Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ A Savior's Whisper [Part Four]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: A Savior's Whisper

Author: @writingjunior

Plot Overview: [16-20] These next five chapters were a fun read. We met back up with Star and learned about the challenges she's been dealing with. There was also a shocking twist revealed with Silver! I had gathered there was more to her story, though I wasn't expecting her to be who she was. It was pulled off nicely.

One thing that troubled me with chapter sixteen was that it took a moment for me to gather where I was at or who the chapter was about. It was introduced with this long description that did paint a vivid picture, but I was left feeling confused. It's important to help orient your readers within the first couple of sentences, so that we don't feel frustrated trying to piece it all together. Especially because your story has so many characters and moving parts, it can be difficult to keep it all straight.

In chapter seventeen there was a moment of a quick recap, which was helpful. Maybe it's because I've taken breaks in between reading, but I've had a hard time keeping every character and their relationships with each other straight. So, it's appreciated when things are reiterated now and then.

Another thing worth mentioning, I would again go through and cut out any unnecessary plot points. For instance, in chapter twenty, the chapter is slow to start. There is a long section describing May waking up, brushing her teeth, drinking coffee, heading to school. None of this is essential to the story, and it's bogging down the pacing. I'd jump straight into the action of her at school. There are other small places or conversations that feel unnecessary, so I'd just be careful with that! If it's not propelling the story forward, offering essential background information, or offering a glimpse into a character's personality, it probably isn't needed.

Pacing: As mentioned earlier, there are times where the pacing is bogged down. I'd be careful with that, especially because this is a fantasy story with action and adventure. So, when things become too dull, it feels out of place.

Style and Flow: I've experienced your writing improving as I read on. It feels like you have started to pay closer attention to description and creating vivid imagery. If anything, I'd go through the earlier chapters and make sure everything is consistent.

Otherwise, I've really enjoyed your writing style, and it's been fun to watch the growth.

Characters: I really enjoyed getting to know Star more in this section. I appreciate the detail of her relationship with the King, and it makes sense that he would treat her as his own. I also think it was smart to have her dealing with some sort of guilt and grief for Comit's death. As a knight, this makes sense for her character. Adding in her injuries from the explosion, created a new element of tension and made her more likable as a character. I'm rooting for her!

Also, I love her dynamic with Quinn. It was smart to add the detail of Quinn's father being deaf because that gives them something to relate with. It was so sweet of them to offer to help Star learn sign language, and I'm looking forward to their relationship growing.

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few typos, here and there. Aside from things I've already mentioned (like dialogue), I didn't notice any new errors.

Final thoughts: The more I read this story, the more things I find to love. In this section, Star was the highlight for me. I love her relationship with Quinn and I'm rooting for the both of them. I also sense the drama heating up as May has learned the truth about Silver. I'm curious to see how it all plays out, so nice job on keeping my interest. Hope you keep working on this one! (: