Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Haywire Ranger

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Haywire Ranger

Author: @marsaumell

Title and Cover: The title is suited for the plot and genre. The cover looks professional and clearly conveys it is an action novel. I love the font chosen for the title, as it really pops off the page!

Blurb: The blurb is wonderfully written. My only concern is it reveals too much. The blurbs are meant to remain concise, we don't need every detail and new term to be explained, here. After reading your blurb, I felt you had summarized the entirety of the first few chapters, so it wasn't as exciting to read since I knew what to expect.

Plot Overview: The plot is wonderfully thought out and delivered. You've started your story in the perfect spot where we meet our main character at a low point in his life, and immediately jump into some action.

Additionally, there are a lot of twists and turns, action-packed moments, and familial drama. My only suggestion would be to switch up your blurb, so that these first few chapters feel more shocking and captivating. Because right now, I already knew what was going to happen just from reading your blurb.

However, for an action story, you've hit the nail on the head! You've thought out this complex backstory and presented it in a digestible format. Great work!

Pacing: The pacing felt nice, in my opinion. The first few chapters were mostly set-up and then we moved into the inciting incident to start off Sky's journey. So, everything feels on pace.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is clean and straightforward. It serves an action story quite well, as everything is easy to picture. The action scenes came to life and there were little moments that were wonderfully descriptive.

For instance, in chapter two, the way you described the sonic echo ranger going down was so detailed. The imagery helped that scene feel so vivid and engaging.

Characters: I appreciate the complicated family life you have woven together for the backstory. It makes Sky a character you want to root for and adds a layer of tension that makes the story more exciting.

My only note relates to Halle, Sky's mother. I understand their relationship needs to be strained for Sky's story to make sense, but at times, she came across as so harsh, it almost felt unbelievable. I would love it if her character was a bit more personable—that she had some sort of redeeming quality.

Many kids have complicated relationships with their parents. Their parents have too high of expectations or feel disappointed in them. But they can still have love there as well. I wish this was shown a bit more, just so their dynamic felt more realistic.

Grammar/Spelling: The story was very well-written. I'm unsure if I got so swept away with the story I overlooked any errors, but nothing jumped out to me!

I noticed one small minor typo, which I pointed out in an inline comment, just so you could easily find it if you cared to correct it.

Final thoughts: This was an imaginative and unique story. I could see it as a plot to a comic or cartoon. It was innovative and well-thought out. I love the care to your characters and relationships and was immediately invested in Sky's journey. Wish I had more to offer, but it seems like you're on the right track. Keep writing and I see you finding so much success! (: