Ohana Reviews

Review ~ Strangled Sweetness

Strangled Sweetness by dwarkaratna

reviewer: kailucy

Sorry, it took so long. I hope this at least helps a little. Feel free to message me if you need anything else

Title: 5/5

I love the title. It goes along perfectly with the plot. Lovely.Cover: 4/5I love the color scheme. It looks beautiful. The font is lovely as well. It's blended perfectly. It seems a bit crowded in my opinion but that's probably just me. 

Blurb: 4/5

The blurb is decent. A few lines read strangely though. I really liked how it introduced each of the main characters simply. 

Plot: 19/20

The plot is intriguing and unique. It was fast-paced and fun to read.

Characters: 12/15

The characters were decent. I feel it'd be better, however, if they were a bit more fleshed out. Like maybe take some time to describe them. Use dialogue and inner thoughts to help the reader get to know them. It'll help make them feel more real.

Writing style: 17/20

Beautiful descriptions. Your use of alliteration was terrific. However, I noticed a few things that could help you improve. 

~the dialogue doesn't need to be in bold. It honestly just distracts.

~same with the story being written in italics. It's fine just to have it written in normal print.

~you don't need to specify flashbacks. Put those in italics. It'll be apparent to the reader that it's different than the present pov.

~you don't have to write 'continuation' at the beginning of the chapter. 

Of course, these are just suggestions don't feel like you have to change what you don't want to. 

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 12/20

You have a great vocabulary. However, I did spot several mistakes. I took screenshots so it's easier to point them out. If you would like me to remove them just let me know and I will. 

First circle ~ I don't think it's technically incorrect ( though I could be wrong) but does read weird. Maybe word it differently.
Ex: ... Does the sweetness of life as a couple stand strong for a temporary time.

It's not a perfect fix by any means (it still sounds off but it might read a little better)

Second circle ~ ... Why [is] our couple life going through the days devoid of sweetness.

It would read better as "But a sudden scream startled her. "
Can replace "from" in the second sentence.

First circle ~ "After she said this someone came running to her, and hid himself behind her"

Second circle ~ "... because of him Dhara is short with me." Or "because of him Dhara is directing her anger towards me" Or "because of him Dhara is angry with me."
Or replace angry with mad, or frustrated.

Third circle ~ basically same as the second.

"You didn't even eat two bites" would sound better.



Engagement: 9/10

I truly enjoyed reading this. It was fast-paced and fun. It was very engaging.

Overall: 82/100

Overall, I think you have a wonderful story. Of course, there's some room for improvement but I think that's true for every story. You have an engaging writing style that made this a thrill to read. Just think about fixing some of the grammar/spelling mistakes and you're set. Maybe contemplate the things I mentioned in the "writing style" category as well. Great job with your story! Keep writing!