Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Honor of Death

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Honor Of Death

Author: @0RxvensTale0

Title and Cover: The title is strong and theatrical; it feels fitting for your story. I enjoy the cover art as well-it's dark and creates that fantasy vibe. However, the font is a bit hard to read because everything is so dark. Perhaps, turn the font of the title white so that it pops off of the picture, maybe even try a different font that better matches a fantasy book (I would recommend checking out other books of the same genre).

Blurb: The blurb is quite fun. I like the contrasting views between the man and woman. It also helps establish your writing style-which seems poetic and theatrical, which will help bring in those readers seeking out that kind of work.

There seems to be one small typo in that third section first introducing the king. 'A king who demand the world..' I believe it should read demands.

Plot Overview: Okay, so there was only one chapter, so there has not been much plot so far. However, you were able to create some wonderfully wicked moments to make your readers conclude Nephthys is a badass scary woman. I'm already invested in her and wish I had more to read about.

Pacing: The first scene felt well-paced. You did a great job of explaining small details of the characters and scene without bogging down her escape.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is what stuck out to me most. Great job using vivid writing to create a picture. Additionally, it's apparent you spent a lot of time curating your world and characters. Down to the playlist, photos of armor, and the font choice of your chapters. You're creating a very unique style aiding your fantasy story.

Characters: Nephthys is wicked and perfect for this story. She reminds me of Bellatrix from Harry Potter (and I mean that in the best way). In such a short amount of time, you were able to perfectly convey her spirit and character. I'm invested and want to know what she's off to do next.

Grammar/Spelling: I noticed a few minor typos while reading and tried to point them out in the inline comments (please don't think I was being overly critical, just trying to make it easiest for you to find them and correct, if you want to). Additionally, I didn't notice any major grammatical mistakes. A few instances your sentence started to feel a bit dragged out, but perhaps that's more of a stylistic approach.

One other small note is to watch your tenses. It was minorly apparent, but make sure all of your tenses match throughout the story. Looks like you're working in past tense, so for instance in this section: 'People have already scurried out through the large gates, she observed...' Have done is present perfect tense, so to match your story, I would change it to past perfect tense to read 'People had already scurried..'

Other: One other thing, your writing is so vivid and theatrical, I would add to this by describing more sounds, feeling, or smells. One way to do this is to avoid words like I heard, etc. In this spot you wrote: She reached the top of the stairs and heard shrieks of men. Instead, you could say something like 'shrill shrieks bounced around the stone walls'..etc

Or even when she mounts the fluffy pup at the end, you could describe what she is feeling while gripping onto his fur, etcetera. I just think this would add to your writing style!

Final thoughts: Overall, you seem like a great writer with the possibility of a wonderful story. I just wish I had more to read, so I could offer more! Maybe come back for another review once you've banked a few chapters. I'd love to keep reading! (: