Ohana Reviews

Review ~The Twenty-Five Percent

The Twenty-Five Percent by smcochran5

Reviewed by Kailucy

SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT! I hope this review is decent.

Title: 4/5

The title is good. It fits the plot. At first, I was trying to figure out why it was titled that but once the 'Lottery' was explained it made a lot of sense.

Cover: 3/5

The cover isn't bad but it is a little bland. Maybe changing up the font a little might help?

Blurb: 4/5

The blurb is pretty good, it's just very short. I do like the setup of it though. Maybe make it two paragraphs? Like make the first line its own thing and then make the rest of it one paragraph?

Plot: 20/20 (spoilers) *I wrote down my points while reading so some points might be a bit weird*

Chapter Two:

The world-building in the first paragraph is great. And the continuation in paragraph two is a wonderful addition. I loved the suspense in this chapter! Overall the chapter was good. Loved the amount of action and suspense.

But I am confused about one thing in this chapter. In chapter one, she seemed to have a hard time placing the smell but in this chapter, she knows it's the wolf-dogs and has quite a bit to say about how you know it's them because of the unique scent.

One other thing before I move on. If she knows how dangerous it is, why leave? Especially to go that far into the danger zone. It does say a lot about her character and it progresses the plot and worldbuilding; it just seems hasty and reckless.

Chapter Three:

I'm curious about the lottery. I do like the hints and I can tell it's going to be bad. Maybe something like the Hunger Games or something. That's the vibe it's giving off. Hope I'm wrong though. I love the building suspense.

OH MY GOODNESS THAT IS MESSED UP. How is it worse than I thought?

I'm so curious to see where this is going.

Chapter Four:

Aliens!?!?

Oh no. No no no no.

Wait no.

I'm going to cry.

Chapter Five:

Oh that's why the lottery exists. The worldbuilding in this is seriously nothing short of amazing. I know I'm gonna have to continue this.

Final notes on the plot: Okay so I made note that you wanted me to focus on the plot. And you specified these questions. Does it have a solid plot? Is it interesting? And are there any slow parts that are hard to get through?

So far I think it has a solid plot. It also appears very soon in the story.

I think I answered the interesting part with my above comments when I couldn't find other words to describe what I was thinking. It captured my attention and it was hard for me to stop reading.

As for slow parts, there are slower parts but they're not really hard to get through. Most of it is fast-paced and then it'll slow down a bit but that's typical. So I don't think you really have to worry about that. Of course, I read up to chapter five so it could be an issue in future chapters but I kinda think you got it under control.

Character: 14/15

Chapter One: While I understand you're trying to introduce her brother early on maybe don't spend so much time doing so. We'll see his protective/over-protective ways (reading on I feel it's more of protection and not so much overprotection but not the point.) *This is regarding the paragraph starting with, "Hello," I call out.

I think her calling out for him and then realizing the zone she's in gets the point across and hints at it well enough.

Chapter Three: Loving the characters. Great job making them both so interesting! I'm already seeing some development and I'm definitely going to continue to see where else it goes.

Writing Style: 19/20

Prologue: Great start. I can already tell I'm going to like your style. It's very short and to the point. The first line is engaging and caught my attention.

Chapter One:

The first line is great. But then it goes into the weather. Personally, I don't mind the description but it seems out of place here considering the first line. Maybe you could sprinkle it throughout the chapter. Have the character react to the different sensations caused by it. Or maybe add the first line of it later and keep the weather there since it gives a little insight into the world and Rayanna's thoughts. Otherwise, I loved the descriptions in this chapter.

Chapter Three:

I love the detail that four steps will get you wall-to-wall. It really helps with imagining it and it doesn't go overboard.

I think it goes without saying, your style is amazing. The descriptions are wonderful and the dialogue feels realistic. Your writing is gripping and hard to stop reading. It fits the story perfectly and the genre.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 18/20

There weren't many mistakes but I did catch a few so I'll detail them here. There could be more I didn't catch but this is what I got.

Prologue:

Should be "Who am I?" I think it should be fine since it's most likely for emphasis but just thought I'd mention it.

Chapter One:

"Causes the creek to overflow." I didn't write out the whole thing but it's in the second paragraph.

Chapter Four:

"Come on, sport," Wolfe says. "We have to get going."

"Our future" needs a space between words.

Chapter Five:

"Definitely."

Engagement: 10/10 (100)

I loved this so much! I wanted to finish the entire book for the review but ended up much busier so had to stop. But I am planning on reading the rest as soon as I can find the time. I have to know what happened next.

Overall: 93/100

Overall, I think you have a great book. There were a few points I highlighted that could help it improve a little but honestly, you're doing great. Keep it up! Good luck with your future writing!!