Ohana Reviews

Review- I told the stars about you

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book: I told the stars about you
Author- deviljooniefics

Blurb:
The story seems unique right from the blurb. A story that happens after a 'happily ever after' part of most stories. I am really curious about what mishap is being talked about and it will change the lives of the main leads.

I would suggest adding more questions after 'was it an accident?' and before 'Will Elijah ever get his love back?' As the connecting link seems missing between the questions.

For example: was it an accident? Or was it something else? Will they find out the truth?
Will Elijah ever get his love back?

Overall, the blurb seems interesting.

Moving towards the chapters,

Priscilla's personality is perfectly showcased in the starting paragraphs itself.

Her attitude is awesome. And her thoughts are amusing to read.

First chapter ended with a great cliffhanger and a nice hook.

I didn't realize that it was a time-traveling book from the first glance. Now I am more interested to read about it. Maybe this fact can be included in the blurb, as I feel it might attract more readers.

Her reaction after finding out that she had time traveled was strange, but it suited her personality. Nicely thought over.

The third chapter came out as a shock. I wasn't expecting the twist. I liked the thought and the concept of the chapter. However, I feel that it could have been worded better. The scenes seemed to flow in a rush. The chapter gave out the necessary information, but it didn't seem to flow well. Check out that chapter, and see if something could be done. Same information needs to be portrayed, but it needs to connect well.

The happiness of being parents and their love was portrayed really well. I also liked how they all sent off their soldiers.

Fifth chapter was short, but nice. It was another unique idea. Even though I have read novels about the person having a rebirth (same soul, another person), The king already knowing that his queen was going to return was something I haven't ever read in books before.

The entry of Dimitra was also fantastic. The calm yet strong nature suited her character.

*****

Characterization is done brilliantly. All characters connect really well.

Descriptions are good and balanced. They aren't portraying an entire picture, but it is enough to give me a gist of what is happening.

I love the concept. Main storyline is interesting, but the way the plot is shown is much more fabulous. There are so many unpredictable twists that it keeps a reader constantly on edge.

The time-travelling, the past events, their eyes connecting again, the soul mates part; each and every part is so fascinating. Having said that, I also feel that these parts have the capacity to flow much better.

Writing style is simple and nice. But it has the potential to get captivating, especially when the topic is so worthy of it. A little bit of King's feelings can be shown when their eyes meet before the story is transitioned into the past. Small moments like this can really transform the story.

Chapter lengths vary a lot. But every chapter ends on a great hook and has something important and interesting to show.

Suggestion:

Change the paragraph as one person is done speaking to avoid confusion and the jumbled mess.

At one point the thoughts were under quotation marks, while in others they were put into italics. Both are correct, but any one style needs to be selected.

Constant changing from first person to third person might get confusing for readers. Choosing any one style would be better. You can have multiple points of view if you select the first person, and for the third person everyone's thoughts can be shown in a single scene.

Grammar :

Tenses are fluctuating but instead of breaking the flow of the story, they are giving it a nice touch. This works for this story, so I won't categorize it as an error.

Minor Punctuation errors.

Other than some minor errors, the story is grammatically well-written.

Last words,

A very interesting and intriguing story. Within five chapters, there were so many unpredictable twists happening, I don't know how intriguing the further chapters will turn out to be. The start of the story has captured my interest. I am really curious to see what will happen when they meet. How would the king react when the sweet queen turns out to be a frank and straightforward person in her second life. Eager to see how this story turns out.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!