Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Venerul

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Venerul

Author: @petrichortrees

Title and Cover: The cover conveys a science fiction type of feel, which is fitting. I especially like the font you have chosen, as it really suits the genre. It looks very clean! The title doesn't tell me much, because I don't recognize that word. After reading the blurb, it appears to be related to the world you've created. However, with the utmost peace and love, the word 'Venerul,' seems painfully close to the word 'venereal,' which isn't the most appealing.

Perhaps, there is more lore behind the selecting of this name for your world–if so, and you're attached to the name, maybe offer a description of that! Or even in the blurb offer proper pronunciation like you would find under a definition.

Blurb: The blurb contains a lot of information–I tend to recommend keeping this section short and concise. Give us the main idea, not too many details. And especially steer clear of spoilers! For example, the line: Until Mustafa's vessel is shot down.

Unless this was happening in the first chapter, I wouldn't mention it. It ruins the suspense that you've worked to build up to! I'd suggest pulling back a bit, only offering relevant information and don't stray into the territory of summarizing the whole book.

Grammatically, the blurb reads pretty clean, however. So, no real worries here!

Plot Overview: After reading the first five chapters, it's clear you have a good handle on story structure. In my opinion, the story started off in the perfect spot. Even though it's clear so much has happened to Mustafa before where we pick up, you were able to offer glimpses of his past while jumping straight into the main plot point: being presented with a new 'mission'.

For me, chapter two was the hardest to follow. Here, there were so many new things being thrown my way. Not only was I trying to get a handle on a new character, but I was also still trying to establish this new world–planet names, new alien species, and seemingly special powers. And then added in were so many new terms [garaf, kuyra, furel].

I was so consumed in trying to keep all this new terminology straight, that I completely lost sight of the plot! I would recommend keeping this in mind when moving forward–maybe only offer a handful of new things in one chapter. Remember that while you've lived in this world for a while, this is your readers first time experiencing all of this. It needs a moment to settle so as to not overwhelm the readers.

Moving forward, the other chapters felt much easier to follow. I really enjoyed the explanation of the turmoil Mustafa was facing in chapter three, and the action of chapter four.

Overall, it's clear you have spent a lot of time developing this new world. It's an intelligent novel, and I trust you to craft a well-structured story moving forward. Great work!

Pacing: The pacing felt good to me. Again, it seems you understand story structure, as so far, the book seems to follow traditional story arcs. And, everything is wonderfully described, which helps those more action-packed scenes not feel too rushed.

The only times where things felt bogged down for me were in chapter two, where again, there was extensive time spent on explaining new terms. I would suggest sprinkling these in more naturally or not going so in depth on each one. It also made the story feel a bit choppy at points–like we were switching from definitions back to the plot.

But overall, it always felt like the story was being propelled forward, so it rarely felt boring or stagnant.

Style and Flow: Your writing style really aids this type of novel. You write clean and concisely, which feels necessary when so much new information is being thrown at the pages.

At the same time, you marry that style with wonderful descriptions of the scenery and characters. Since there are so many new creatures in this world, this is very helpful and makes it easy to picture everything in my head.

The story does flow well from one scene to the next, but like already mentioned, there are individual scenes that felt a little choppy, like when describing terms. I assume this would be more prevalent in earlier chapters when so much new information needed to be established quickly, so maybe not a big worry moving forward.

One last thing–watch your paragraph lengths. For instance, there's one very long one in chapter two. This is more for aesthetics, but on Wattpad especially, because of the format, long paragraphs can easily take up the entire screen, so I'd recommend keeping them short. This also helps readers leave more inline comments!

And in that same vein, I'd recommend more consistency on chapter lengths. You had made an author's comment on the growing chapter lengths, but I'd attempt to keep them all relatively similar in length, for consistency and readers' enjoyment.

Characters: Mustafa is a really interesting main character. I enjoyed the way you introduced him and his dilemma–I especially appreciated the time taken to thoroughly explain the torment he faced being held captive. I think this will play into his character development and make for a rewarding hero arc.

Also, great job establishing he's actually a smart and brave character. By offering his inner dialogue and thought process in deciding whether to attempt an attack/escape or not, you showed he's actually quite intelligent and not weak at all. He's just waiting for the right moment!

And Rukiyya was introduced as this ethereal, intriguing lady. And by the way you introduced her, it made the moment where she became injured hit that much harder. Great work!

Grammar/Spelling: The story was very clean. There were little to no typos. The only grammatical error I found was in regard to dialogue.

To explain: if dialogue is written, and no dialogue tag follows (I said, she yelled, a man whispered), then just end the dialogue with a period, and keep writing as usual. [ex: "That cat runs fast." The calico cat sprinted across the floor. "Look at him go!"]

But, when dialogue is interrupted by an action, this becomes a bit tricky. An example from your text can be found in chapter two, where you wrote: "If you do say yes," the Syral drummed his fingers against the gleaming table, "then comes the issue of mahr."

Here, since there is no dialogue tag, it shouldn't connect with a comma. For this situation, my suggestion would be to utilize em dashes.

[ex: "If you do say yes" –the Syral drummed his fingers against the gleaming table– "then comes the issue of mahr."

I would suggest seeking out more resources online to find other ways of formatting dialogue with proper grammar usage, if that's something you're interested in. But, it really doesn't impact the reader's experience, and most readers probably wouldn't even notice.

Final thoughts: You've created a wonderfully in-depth, complicated new world. It's clear you've spent so much time and thought crafting this world and story–down to the characters and inner workings of each planet or alien species. Your intelligence radiates from the pages, and I'm certain once the right audience finds you, this work will get the love it deserves. Keep writing!