Ohana Reviews

Review ~ The Silent Heir

"The Silent Heir" by thelolp777

reviewer: kailucy

So sorry about the wait. I hope this review at least helps a little. And if there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Title: 5/5

The title is amazing. It's simple but fits the story perfectly.

Cover: 4.5/5

The cover is beautiful. The color scheme is great and the fonts are good. The only partial issue is that the white wording kinda blends in with the picture.

Blurb: 4/5

The blurb was great. The first two paragraphs raised some good questions and then the third introduced Emma who is the MC. It really gave me an idea of what the story would be about and what Emma would be like. The only reason I took off a point is that there's one line specifically seemed to be worded a little off.

Plot: 20/20

I honestly really loved the plot. I wanted to continue reading but I need to get other reviews done so I read seven chapters. The pacing was great. It wasn't too fast or too slow. The age regression is interesting and handled brilliantly. The PTSD was also handled very well, it seemed realistic.

Characters: 14/15

The characters are interesting and I love Emma so far. She is very complex. The only issue is that sometimes I feel like there's a little too much telling when it comes to character traits. Maybe show some through dialogue or actions?

Writing style: 19/20

Brilliant writing style. Your use of descriptions is great. The setting felt real. There are some issues with the tense though. Which I'm gonna mention in better detail in the next section. Otherwise, your writing is super engaging and fun to read.

Grammar/spelling.vocabulary: 16/20

Alright so mainly I've noticed the most consistent errors were consistency in tenses. Most of the time the book is written in past tense but there were moments where it was suddenly present. There were some subject-verb disagreements, issues with clauses, and punctuation errors. But your vocabulary was absolutely amazing.

I took some screenshots to just to correct a few if you would like me to i can delete them I just find it easier to point things out with a visual example.

First circle- the man LOOKED down...

Second circle- the screaming LOSES

First circle- the first line should be 'managed' so it's past tense.

Second circle- bled instead of bleed. (Same reasoning as above)

Third circle- pierced instead of pierces (same as the other two)

First circle- it would sound better if it said "her eyes widened in surprise"

Second circle- (two things) 1. Her nose WOULDN'T...
2. vision slowly DIMMED

There were some other things I noticed but just wanted to give a few examples of what I meant. Once again if you're not comfortable with the screenshots being here let me know and I'll delete them immediately.

Engagement: 9/10

I was hooked from the beginning and I added it to my library and will hopefully be able to finish it soon.

Overall: 91.5/100

Overall, you have an amazing story. I love the plot and the realism of Emma's PTSD and the horrors of war. The beginning was so good, I was at the edge of my seat trying to figure out what was happening. The characters were great. The only thing I think needs some work is some of the wording and grammar. And making the characters seem a bit more real. (the side characters) Other than that I can't think of anything else. Keep up the great work! And good luck with your writing/editing!