Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Alpha's Huntress

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Alpha's Huntress

Author: @jspruill1130

Title and Cover: The title is great for this type of novel. It clearly identifies the premise of the story and will capture readers interested in a werewolf-type book. Additionally, the cover art is fitting for a romance novel. It's a clear image and the text is easy to read-no complaints here.

Blurb: The blurb reads smoothly, no visible errors. You've managed to fit a lot of information in a short section without overwhelming your readers. While there are no clear grammatical errors, there are a few spots I think could be re-worked for better flow.

For instance, the last sentence of the first section is a bit long/wordy. Maybe try: 'Things were going smoothly until she's taken captive by the creature she fears most, the creature responsible for her mother's death-a lycan.

Also, in the last section, maybe change one of the 'one another's' to 'each other' to avoid the phrase twice in one sentence.

Plot Overview: Your blurb offers a promising premise for a story. The buildup of lycan and werewolf being less human in this world is an interesting twist!

It seems to have taken a while to get to the real action, however. Based on your blurb, the story starts when she's captured, and it felt a bit slow getting to that point. I think creating more drama or condensing some of the earlier chapters could help move the plot further quicker. For instance, perhaps instead of the chat in chapter one, the story picks up at the boy's house. We see him turning while Evelyn cares for him, and then get the run down from the sheriff and mayor at his home. Just one idea!

Also, I think the mayor and sheriff should seem more distraught at the boys being taken in their town. This could help raise the stakes, make readers more invested in the hunters catching the predator (setting up that next scene).

Pacing: Like previously mentioned, so far, the pacing seems a bit slow. Only in chapter five had Evelyn's capture begun, and I still haven't met the other main character, Rook, promised in the blurb. This isn't necessarily bad, as long as there has been an exciting build up to this point to keep readers engaged.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is lovely. You do a great job of painting a clear image and describing characters actions and expressions. It's easy to follow along and flows nicely.

Characters: Evelyn has great potential for a strong female lead. I love the premise of her backstory-being a huntress. I also really enjoyed her personality in chapter five, where her sarcasm becomes clearer. I would love to see this incorporated more in the earlier chapters, maybe add in some dry one liners to convey her personality more clearly earlier on.

There's great potential for character development here due to her perception on lycan/werewolves currently. I'm interested in how that may play out after being surrounded by them.

Additionally, I liked some of the sweet moments between her and her father before the hunt. I'd love even more of these! It would help me be more invested in their connection, and make her capture more heart wrenching, imagining how her father must feel.

Grammar/Spelling: There were a few minor spelling errors I tried to point out in the inline comments, but those are easy fixes!

Additionally, I noticed a couple of times where you misused possessive apostrophes. For instance, in chapter three you wrote: "werewolf's don't live that long..." when it should read: "werewolves don't live that long..." I noticed this a couple of times, so make sure you aren't using apostrophes that show ownership, when it's meant to be a plural noun.

The main repeated grammatical error I noticed was in the written dialogue, particularly the punctuation of your dialogue tags. I would recommend seeking out some information on this online. But a brief overview:

Use commas in between dialogue and dialogue tags such as: he said, the sheriff asked, I inquired. [ex: "This was a mistake," I shouted at him.]

When using punctuation with a dialogue tag, use a lowercase letter after. [ex. "Where are you going?" my brother asked.]

Lastly, there were some errors in regard to tense usage. It appears you intended to write in past tense, however, in chapter four, you began writing in a mixture of present and past. For instance, you kept writing, "I hear..." Make sure they all match so as to not confuse your readers! Again, an easy fix with a bit of editing. (:

Other: One last thing I noticed, you tend to use a lot of phrases beginning with 'I heard, I felt, I watch, etc." I would recommend scratching those and just explain the sound, sensation, or sight without the use of the word "I."

This phrase tends to place distance between readers and the story, and fall into the territory of telling instead of showing. The scene can feel much more vivid without them!

[ex: chapter four you write, "I hear a low growl escape it." Just write, a low growl cuts through the air, etc.

Final thoughts: I hope I didn't come across too critical because I think you have the potential for a very unique and intriguing story. I just tend to focus on things I think I could help with, as that seems the most beneficial.

However, there are so many things right with this story! You're a wonderful writer and are able to paint a nice, vivid scene. I think my review stopped right when the action was about to pick up, so I wish I had gotten into more of the meat of the story. But overall, great work and I'd be interested in reading more! (: