Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ I Have Love You for Infinity

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: I Have Love You For Infinity

Author: @dazzlingmeteors

Title and Cover: The title is cute and catchy–suited for the genre. My only suggestion would be to say: I Have Loved You for Infinity (this is technically grammatically correct). The cover is perfect. I love the image and the font. It looks super professional, and I think it would perform well on Wattpad. Nice job!

Blurb: The blurb is a bit vague–that's not a bad thing, as you don't want to offer any spoilers. But I'm not sure I got a good idea of what your story is about based on the content provided. Additionally, there are some parts that are confusing/grammatically incorrect.

For example, you wrote: Until an accident made a mortal high school girl caught his injury turned normal in mere seconds, whom he had a hard time dealing with. This doesn't make much sense to me. Perhaps you meant: Until an accident started to raise questions, as a mortal girl watched his injuries heal too quickly.

Also, the section where you said: they are tangled into a series of accidental events and familiar emotions. This is very vague, and offers little insight to your story. I would either remove this sentence or find a way to make it better reflect your story's plot. Make sure every sentence in the blurb is concise, clear, and purposeful.

Plot Overview: The premise of the story is intriguing. There's a bit of romance, mystery and fantasy. It's a fun blend that could find a lot of success on Wattpad. My main concern is that, at times, the plot feels a bit aimless or too forced. For example, chapter one spent a lot of time describing Cassian just for her to conveniently bump into him in a fight later on.

Then, when she spotted his wounds healing she automatically made the assumption he was immortal. Personally, if I saw that, I would question my own sanity—did that really just happen or did I imagine it? I don't think I would immediately jump to an immortal being. So, just make sure the story is believable.

Later, there was another convenience when she met back up with Cassian at the game. It's okay to have these little happy accidents, but maybe not that many in a row. Try thinking of more organic ways for their paths to cross, so that it doesn't feel so forced.

I would also look for places where you may have included irrelevant information. For instance, the scene in chapter two where Rheanne falls asleep–is that essential to the story's progression?

Lastly, I wanted to discuss your chapter endings. Chapter two ended on a great cliffhanger! I'm super intrigued to find out what Cassian is doing on their trip–or if it is even him. However, chapter one ended a bit abruptly. She should have had this earth-shattering revelation learning Cassian's secret, but instead she just went home, like nothing happened. Again, just make sure the story feels believable–put yourself in her shoes and react accordingly.

Pacing: At times the pacing felt a bit quick. I think the story could benefit from a bit more world-building. I would love to have spent some more time learning Rheanne and her world before we are launched into the drama with Cassian. This way, I'd feel more grounded in the story. However, scene to scene, the pacing feels nice.

Style and Flow: You're a great writer! I breezed right through these first two chapters as your writing is clear and direct. You do a great job of vividly describing things–such as the characters in chapter one. Also, you lean into more senses than just visual ones, as you described smells a number of times–so great work!

I would just be careful you aren't being repetitive in your descriptions. While describing Cassian in chapter one, you described him as a college student twice and then also said he couldn't be more than twenty. Readers could infer how old he looked by suggesting he was in college, so no need to reiterate that.

Characters: There are only two chapters, so I can't offer much insight into character progression. However, so far, the main duo seems to have contrasting personalities, which is an exciting dynamic. Rheanne seems more bubbly, while Cassian appears more grumbly. I think it will be a lot of fun to watch their banter over the course of the story.

Grammar/Spelling: There are a few minor typos, throughout. Mainly, there are times where you use the wrong verb tense, which makes things read funny. For example: We shouldn't had procrastinated earlier. It should read: We shouldn't have procrastinated earlier.

The only other grammatical errors are in regard to dialogue. I would suggest seeking out more resources online for how to appropriately punctuate dialogue, but I'll offer a few examples from the text. In chapter one, you wrote: "Fine, here," I handed him the review and dashed...

In this example, there is no dialogue tag. Dialogue tags are things such as 'he said, a woman yelled, etc.' Since there is no tag present, there should be a period placed after 'here' instead of a comma.

Another example: "You guys doin' okay?" He shouted...

In this sentence, 'he shouted' is a dialogue tag. Even though the dialogue ends in a question mark, 'he' should be lowercase because it is a dialogue tag.

Final thoughts: There wasn't a ton for me to review, but so far, I think you have a great start to an interesting story. The premise is enticing, and the characters have a fun dynamic. My biggest advice would be to research story structure and come up with a really solid plot outline. Try to think of smart ways to connect your story and make your characters' forced interactions feel believable. Stay true to their personalities and make sure your characters react to each scenario appropriately, and I think you'll crush this story. Great work and hope you keep writing! (: