Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Winter Sun [Part Two]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Winter Sun

Author: @omariewriting

Plot Overview: These next few chapters were a lot of fun to read. There was a nice amount of tension and anticipation that kept me locked into the pages. For example, I appreciated the added tension between Lach and the Harrington's–so much so that I had to keep reading at the end of chapter ten. You wrote a brilliant cliffhanger, and while I only review up to five chapters at a time, I had to read one more to find out what happened with Lach and Lord Harrington (it didn't disappoint).

Furthermore, there were many smart decisions you made as the author. You added in little details that really aid the story's development. For instance, Lach's distaste for the King provides even more exciting tension–because what will happen if things develop between the princess and Lach? Also, the background of Lach being in desperate need for money to provide for his family continues to propel the story forward–it's why he had to attend the ceremony.

And lastly, the main plot point over these next few chapters were Amaya and Lach finally meeting–or reuniting? It was so much fun to be in on the secret, while Lach didn't know her true identity. I couldn't stop reading until the truth was revealed to Lach. When it was, you handled it wonderfully–the amount of description that went into the reveal was impressive. Also, the little flashback scene in chapter eight was so cute! I love their backstory so much.

Pacing: The pacing felt really nice. I love that you stretched out the scenes between Lach and Amaya's first meeting and the reveal–it made the payoff that much more enjoyable. And, scene by scene, you do a nice job blending dialogue, action, and narrative elements to appropriately pace each moment.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is captivating. You describe things so vividly, and your word choices perfectly match the tone of the story. Not only do you describe things visually, but you lean into all senses: small, taste, sound, etc. For instance, in chapter ten you wrote about Lach tasting bitterness or you vividly described the sounds of the party. Great work!

Characters: I believe I said in your last review that your characters were my favorite part of the story, and I still feel that way! They are slowly developing overtime, yet you've remained true to their core personalities.

I loved Lach in these next few chapters–how he became flustered in the stables after meeting Amaya and how he was so smitten he acted out of sorts (smiling or dancing). It was the perfect way to show he was taken by the princess without having to say it.

Furthermore, you've continued to paint Amaya as a headstrong, independent girl, which is exciting to read. I appreciate that you are able to convey this through her dialogue and actions, either putting Lach in place or protesting the ceremony. It's much more believable than just telling your readers she's strong.

Lastly, I wanted to mention one new character that was introduced: Prince Ezri. He seemed kind in our first introduction, but I imagine there is more to his story. I'm already intrigued.

Grammar/Spelling: While reading, I did notice a number of minor typos–either missing words, misspelled words, or strange spacing. Another thing I noticed was at times there are arrow symbols where there should be quotation marks. These are minor things that can easily be taken care of with a simple edit!

Other than that, there were some minor errors in regard to dialogue. In chapter one, there was a place where you had two characters speaking dialogue within the same paragraph–a new paragraph should be created every time a new character starts speaking. There were also a few places where you incorrectly capitalized dialogue tags (example from chapter 7: "For Aurora?" He asked.

Since 'he asked' is a dialogue tag, 'he' should be lowercase, even though the dialogue ends in a question mark. It's still technically all connected as one sentence because 'he asked' is a dialogue tag.

Final thoughts: Your story has continued to capture my attention. This can become harder as the story progresses–often referred to as a 'sagging middle' but so far, your story hasn't fallen victim to that! You've created little points of tension that continue to captivate your readers, and if you keep that up, your story is sure to be a fun read all the way through. Wish I had more advice, but aside from one good sweep-through for typos/errors, I think you're on an excellent path. Keep it up! (: