Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Bride of Virtuous

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Bride of Virtuous

Author: @officialkhushi

Title and Cover: The title is intriguing and seems suited for the premise of the story.

And I really like the black and white theme of the cover. The image displayed on the cover is a bit dark, which makes it difficult to tell what it is, but the moody vibe feels right for the story. My only suggestion would be to move the title down a smidge because the top is slightly cut off.

Blurb: The blurb is super concise, which I actually like. It's straight-forward and clearly conveys the premise of the story. My only suggestions would be to utilize more punctuation to better the flow–and maybe break it down into more digestible bites. Here's an example:

He was the king of nightclubs–the Lothario of the modern world. And he was the one sole successor of Marquina Group: a multinational company that specialized in luxury hotels and resorts.

In order to take over the role of president and manage the corporate giant, he agreed to an arranged marriage with Raquel Murrillo–who, at first sight, appeared to be an innocent, simple girl he could easily manipulate into an obedient wife.

Little did he know, his bride was anything but.

Plot Overview: The plot was engaging and exciting to read–by the second chapter, I was fully invested. The first chapter was a fun little set-up: we got to know Raquel, understand her rocky relationship with her mother, and learn she had made a life for herself with Elijah.

But then, it was all turned on its head in chapter two. The time skip raised so many questions that immediately had me glued to the screen to figure out more: what happened to her stepdad and what has made her have a change of heart about the marriage? So, great job with structuring the story this way, as it was so fun to read.

Other things, I really enjoyed how you created little moments of tension by adding in another romance between Sergio and Emilia or the detail of Sergio wanting to keep the marriage secretive. These things elevated an already tense, high-stakes storyline. And lastly, the ending of chapter five was such a nice pay-off. You handled that perfectly and I can't wait to see how things go from there.

The only question I kept coming back to was why Sergio would go along with things. It was his grandfather's request that he do so in order to become president, but I would expect him to refuse harder. Perhaps it was because he didn't think it was a big deal, so why not? However, maybe there could be another element added as to why the urgency–maybe there was another person pushing for the same position, his grandfather had other options? Or perhaps just make his motivation clearer because I did find myself questioning this as I read.

Pacing: The pacing was excellent. I love how much you fleshed out each character, setting up their backstory and developing the world. I appreciated the time skips and the way you really took your time setting up the mundane relationship between Sergio and Raquel. This way, when Raquel finally revealed her true self, it was so satisfying to read.

And scene by scene, you do a nice job blending action, dialogue, and narrative elements to appropriately pace the scene.

Style and Flow: I really enjoyed your writing style. It's straight-forward and makes for an easy read. I breezed right through the first five chapters, and found myself wanting to read on. You create vivid descriptions that paint a clear picture. For example, in chapter one when Raquel returned home, the house was described so vividly. Nice work here!

Characters: You've done a wonderful job creating fully fleshed out characters with complex backstories. Raquel was first introduced as this stubborn, independent young woman. You did a great job displaying this through her actions, such as when she showed up underdressed to spite her mom or when she turned down her mother's offer and opted for living her own life. Since you set her character up so well, it was immediately apparent something was wrong when we met back up with her, subdued and obedient.

And Sergio, he was presented as a player, going through women without care. He clearly has a business mind and is a bit of a pig. The way he talked about Raquel to his friends supported this.

The two have an interesting dynamic. I really appreciate how you made a point for Sergio to not be taken by her at first. We see the 'love at first sight' trope so many times, but it's rare to see the man not like the love interest. It made the story exciting and different and I'm so interested to see what he thinks of Raquel now that the truth is revealed.

Grammar/Spelling: I'll be honest, I didn't notice much of anything while I was reading. It's possible I was so invested in the story that I overlooked an error, but there was nothing glaringly apparent. So nice work!

Final thoughts: This story was such a fun read–one of my favorites, lately. There was tension, mystery, and romance that kept me at the edge of my seat. I wish I had more to offer in regard to constructive criticism, but honestly, I enjoyed the story so much I forgot it was for a review. I'll be adding this one to my list to return to. Great writing! (: