Ohana Reviews

Review- Tale of Future Gods

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Tale of Future Gods
Author- SohanMungekar

Blurb:

Blurb is good. It gives off enough information to let us know what the story is about, why still not giving away the entire story. However, the blurb can be made more attractive and intriguing to grab readers attention. It is nice but has the potential to get better. 

Prologue:

Letting us know how the evil god was released and what he did was a great idea, before the start of the story. The terminologies are explained beautifully. The world building has started in the prologue itself. Very well-written prologue. 

A small suggestion: Quotation marks aren't needed here as the author is the one informing us directly rather than characters speaking to each other.

Moving towards the chapters,

I like the content for the starting paragraph. However, I feel that it can be worded a bit differently to create a hook.

I wonder about the connection with his dreams and reality.

I really like how the story is heading. But writing style needs to be worked upon a bit. It is more telling than showing. The main lead spells out everything. It is enough to see what is happening without specifying each and every thing.

Rico is so adorable. I literally awed at his technique to get rid of bad dreams. A beautiful moment indeed.

From Shaun's introduction, I feel like the starting of the chapter were all snippets of the future he saw in the dream. The idea is unique and interesting. However it can be portrayed a bit more clearly.

Instead of just giving out the introduction about his name, age and everything, showing it through dialogues between characters would come out as more impactful.

I can't help but notice that both Natasha's and Shaun's surname start with Thunder. Thunderbird and Thunderhawk, I wonder if there is some meaning behind it.

The spiritual scores seem amazing. I am also curious to find out why Shaun's score was so high without having any ancestor background of Magus.

Including normal subjects along with the ones needed for Magus training was a great idea. It seems relatable, as they won't have to learn it in another school because basics are also important.

It seemed unusual that all teachers came and introduced themselves in one go. They usually come in their period and introduce themselves. Not to forget that there are other classes too. So every faculty to be in one single class comes off as odd.

It was hilarious to see Natasha glaring and threatening Shaun. Well he deserved every bit of it. Can't wait to see what happens when Natasha finds out that Shaun wasn't only admiring the teacher but also the cherry blossom girl.

Making nobles and commoners equal was a great move. It is hard to achieve it, but it is nice to know if the authorities are looking towards equality.

I noticed that most of the students' fathers had died. Is there a particular reason for this in the story? Also the fact that almost everyone's mother was a housewife. I would like to know if it is a common factor for the world they are living in. A brief description about it might create good world building.

The story is in Shaun's point of view...so other people's thoughts or dialogues when Shaun isn't there, can't be shown as Shaun wouldn't know them.

The broken sculpture has raised my curiosity. The fact that the teacher told that it was incomplete while Nigel thought it was broken is intriguing.

In the last para of the eighth chapter, the story suddenly turned into a third point of view without any indication.

*****

Characterization is done nicely. However, their introductions can be worked upon for the main character and his best friends. The other students in the school were introduced very well. There are some unique characters as well, whom I look forward to reading about.  The new friends and enemies are portrayed really well. 

The family members never came up after the starting chapter. I was really looking forward to seeing more of Rico. 

There's one thing that needs to be focussed on is that even with the most screen space, the main lead hasn't made the impact like the other characters have. The other students seem much more interesting and intriguing to me. Not that it is a bad thing, but even simplicity can make reader connect more with the main lead. I think you should focus on that.

The world building is good. I can imagine it well. However, it would be better to show more than just tell.

Apart from some info dumps, everything else is informed at appropriate times and spaces.

Plot moves at a steady pace. There aren't any plot holes. Concept is awesome and the facts revolving around the storyline are quite intriguing too.

Writing style needs to be improved. As it is the only obstacle for the otherwise awesome story. There are many times when Shaun is shown speaking about the things others are feeling. And so many times the same thing is repeated in a different way, that too in a single chapter.

I think the story would be best suited from a third person point of view. This way everyone's thoughts and way of thinking can be described without making it look weird. 

Suggestion:

Thoughts need to be shown differently. Even if they are internal, they are still dialogues. 

First chapter

The paragraph about 13 years since friendship.....I think it will suit better to talk about the years of friendship and relationship, before ending the sentence with...it feels like yesterday. 

The graduation part seems out of place in that paragraph. I would suggest adding that information somewhere else. It can even fit the first paragraph where he talks about his rank.

Grammar:

Look out for the fluctuating tenses. Apart from this, the story was grammatically well-written.

Last words,

I enjoyed reading this story. Storyline is cool and I liked reading about all the characters. Everyone is so different from each other. And they all are very interesting. A bit of work is needed in the presentation. Otherwise, the story is well portrayed.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!