Ohana Reviews

Review- Descendant

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book - Descendant
Author- sarah3534

Blurb:

Awesome blurb. It is short and crisp. Perfect information is provided in such an intriguing way that it made me want to read the story immediately. Especially the paragraph about a different rule book. 

I have one suggestion. Instead of putting it as an excerpt at the end, the para of Thunder and solar eclipse....it would look good as the start of the blurb. 

Moving towards the chapters,

Starting with vicious rain was a good idea. It resonates with the atmosphere and the feelings of the main lead. 

The detailing done is great. It is easy to imagine everything.

The straightforward nature of the waitress had me laughing. Looking forward to see more of her.

First chapter itself was engrossing. The mysterious town comes into view and we get to know some of the characters. Eyebrows are raised, and I am on the edge to see what's going on, because there's something definitely there and Dana is in for a surprise.

Although tears were shown in the first paragraph, it didn't look like Dana was really sad about her grandmother's demise. She looked more than eager for the money she could receive for her future. Her attitude makes sense since she is after all an estranged granddaughter. However, it seems a little abrupt as the sadness/tears never made it past the starting paragraph. Not even in her thoughts or some underlying sad tone.

If something falls on you- don't sue. Hilarious line.

The subtle hints really keep us on edge. Letting us know that there is something there without saying a word about it. Quite a talent here.

Dirty sky rats- first time I heard such a comparison to crows. Very creative.

There are a lot of awesome moments in the story, but there are also some which feel like a drag. 

The start was great...it was all actions and greatly described...but as we moved forward the quality dipped. The chemistry between Paul and Dana didn't really connect. Whatever it was, was just in words.

Apart from the small visit to his father, I didn't find anything that stuck out.

I like how one of the mysteries came to life. I had doubts, and this was cleared in a beautiful way. It was a perfect timing to reveal the fact that Paul could hear her. There were subtle hints before that made our eyebrows raise. I would suggest writing some more of such situations before the reveal. It will make the story more interesting.

Carlyle isn't outright evil but there's an underlying nature that makes him scary. His behaviour is portrayed really well.

The story really takes up after the reveal. Dana's reactions are relatable. And I love how the story moves on. Paul's character that had got a little stagnant also revives from the way he acts after his secret is out. I believe something more interesting needs to be added in the chapters after the introduction and before the reveal, to make it more enjoyable. 

*****

Characterization is done brilliantly. Every character has a distinct personality and we can relate to them from the very start. The introduction was done very nicely. It is in flow and does not seem to get in the way of the story.

World building is good. The mysterious aura of the town is well described. The crowd staring at her, the crows, and everything really adds up to create an atmosphere that makes us believe that something is different. Scenes are easy to imagine. The detailing is good.

There was a slight hitch in the plot, but it seems to move smoothly after the reveal of Paul being able to mindread. The fight between the cousins and the car wreck were also very interesting.

Concept seems intriguing. It makes me want to know more about it. However I am glad that  the mysteries take time and everything isn't revealed all at once.

Grammar:

There are a few punctuation errors and some misplaced words, but there isn't anything major that would change the meaning of the sentences.

Last words,

I enjoyed reading the story. The fantasy part seems really lit. I am really excited to find out the truth. I might read further chapters when time permits. There are minor hurdles, but the Story is written really well. Awesome work.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!