Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ A Crown of Despair

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: A Crown of Despair

Author: @lyuten

Title and Cover: I like the title, it's an interesting play on words as 'despair' and 'crown' don't often find themselves associated. And, the cover looks clean and professional. I like the color scheme and the image chosen. Nice work!

Blurb: The blurb is quite nice. You've wonderfully introduced the premise, without adding any unnecessary details. If I had any suggestion, it would be to add an em dash after 'everything she holds dear–whatever the sacrifice.' This adds a bit of emphasis/drama. Also, in your blurb, 'whatever' is misspelled in that last sentence, just a heads up!

Plot Overview: You have a great premise for a story. The backstory of Aria's family/father situation is intriguing and the fact there is war between the kingdoms is interesting. Also, the prince being cruel could make for an interesting character arc.

Unfortunately, there were only two chapters so there isn't a ton of plot for me to focus on, but I will say things picked up very quickly. I actually think you have enough content already written where if you wanted to go back and add in some more detail or background on Aria, you could easily add in another chapter.

For instance, I would have loved to sit in Aria's point of view a bit longer in the first chapter, and see her journey to the new kingdom. This could have help establish that there are two separate kingdoms and more insight into what their world looks like before we jump straight into the romance aspect.

Pacing: The pacing felt a bit too quick, in my opinion. For instance, it felt like we were introduced to the prince too soon. My advice would be to slow things down–have the first chapter focus more on Aria and getting to know her.

Maybe a scene with her father or other family members so we could understand that dynamic or even offer some internal dialogue from Aria as she approaches the new castle. This way we would have a better understanding of Aria, and it would help create tension, so that when the readers do get to Aria and Ellian's meeting it would be that much more exciting!

Style and Flow: You're a great writer, everything flowed easily from one point to the next. The descriptions you add in are quite nice, although I could use even more! Aria is at a whole new place, I'd love to see what she's seeing. What's her new home look like? Her new room? Don't be afraid to go into detail, because you are a great writer, and I trust you could find a way to make it engaging and add to the immersion.

Characters: Aria is an interesting main character. She seems stronger than she, and others, give her credit for. She seems to be holding up remarkably well given the situation. I'd love to know even more about her background because while she's royal, it seems she's lived a difficult life. I'm definitely rooting for her.

Ellian is wicked. His first interaction with Aria made him seem vile, and then things only got worse. I wonder how he will progress because right now, I don't see any redemption for him. I understand he's a royal and this is set in a different time period–these things probably did occur, but that scene in the end of chapter two is very graphic and horrific, you may find you've lost a lot of your audience there.

I'm not sure if your plan is to redeem Ellian's character, or introduce a new love interest to save Aria from that monster, but right now, I don't see myself getting over that act with Ellian. That's just something to consider moving forward.

Other: Staying on that same topic, be very careful with how you portray Ellian and Aria's complicated relationship. Right now, Ellian is abusive and awful. As an author, there is some responsibility with how your readers will interpret these characters–it's important not to glorify abuse. In fact, Wattpad has strict guidelines against glorifying certain acts, and I'd say the end of chapter two is towing that line, so make sure you aren't breaking any of Wattpad's rules (I'd suggest reviewing their guidelines).

Grammar/Spelling: The first two chapters are well-written. I know you mentioned not being a native English speaker and not being too concerned with this section–I'd never know unless you told me. There are no blaring visible errors, so, no real worries here! Great job.

Final thoughts: I think you have a great premise for a story that readers on Wattpad would be really interested in reading. You're a talented writer and are able to create a vivid story. I think with a bit of tweaking, this story could be a hit! I would recommend really putting some thought into how you want your characters to come across (and how to make wicked characters capable of redemption). Overall, great work and keep writing!