Ohana Reviews

Review ~ Kiara Flames

Kiara Flames by 99problemstosolve

reviewer: kailucy

I'm so so sorry it took so long to review. Also since I judged this story in a contest I decided to read everything you wrote so that way the review would be different and more in-depth.

(Warning: slight spoilers, nothing crazy but still)

Title: 5/5

I actually really like the title. I personally love titles that are titled after a character.

Cover: 4/5

The cover is amazing. The color scheme is perfect and the font looks good. The visual of Kiara was a great choice and I love the background. It looks great together. The only issue is that it's hard to read the author's name cause it's blurry, other than that the cover is great.

Blurb: 4/5

The first line is gripping. "Kiara Flames is three things: A lover, a psychopath, and a liar."That line alone tells so much about the character. As a reader, I was wondering why those three words were chosen to describe the character and it made me want to read on. Amazing start. Then as it goes on you give us a little insight into what the plot will be.

The only thing is that the second line is very long.

I would recommend maybe wording it more like, 'Trapped between her visions of hell, (you can take out "her own two perfect" it's a bit much) Kiara wants to free herself. Yet her only way out of this trap... That should clear it up a bit more.

Plot: 18/20

The pacing was great. It wasn't too fast or too slow. The plot was fun to read and intriguing. Chapter 10 had me screaming in fact my notes just said "Ch. 10 = NOOO WHY?!"

I have mixed feelings about the last few chapters (so far) I understand that it's key to Kiara's past but it doesn't necessarily move the story forward either. That said, I think it's a good creative choice but personally, I'm mixed about it.

At first, Kiara and Kor's relationship seemed rushed but then that twist! Which honestly was great for two reasons, one it was unexpected, and two it showed how calculated Kiara is. It really made her feel so much more real.

Characters: 15/15

The characters were dynamic. Kiara is exactly as you describe her in the blurb. Kor seems like a genuine person and I'm still sad about chapter 10.

You did a great job of showing the qualities of the characters rather than only telling.

Kiara was the perfect choice to lead the story cause she is definitely interesting. Everything I thought she was going to do she did the opposite. I love the fact that she is so flawed, and is more of an anti-hero. It's so refreshing.

Writing style: 20/20

Your writing style is gripping. The descriptions were great. I loved how you weaved information about Coldmore. The world-building was detailed without being an info dump. The dialogue felt real.

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 19/20

You use a good range of vocabulary, and there weren't very many mistakes.But I did notice quite a few uncapitalized words in ch. 7. So maybe look over that chapter specifically and edit.

Engagement: 10/10

I was really engaged in this story. The plot is fun and fast-paced and I wanted to know more about Kiara. Will definitely read the next updates.

Overall: 95/100

Overall, you have a wonderful story. The plot and the characters are great, you have a gripping writing style. Kiara is a great character to read about (not necessarily a great person but the flaws make her more fun to read.) Keep up the great work!