Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Sherlock Holmes and The Trail of Notes

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Sherlock Holmes And The Trail of Notes

Author: @KiaraStartree

Title and Cover: It was smart to include 'Sherlock Holmes' in the title, as those interested would be able to easily find your story. It feels appropriate for the story. And the cover looks really nice! The image sets the tone for the story, and I really like the font choice of 'Sherlock Holmes.' No complaints here!

Blurb: The blurb is super brief, which isn't a bad thing. It sets up most of the story–that we will be following Sherlock Holmes on an exciting mystery to face a big opponent. But, it could be interesting to have just a tiny bit more information on what this mystery might entail. However, the choice to keep it vague is also valid.

And I didn't find any errors, so all is good there.

Plot Overview: I really enjoyed the opening paragraph. It wonderfully set the scene, and I felt like I was in an old-timey detective movie, which felt perfect.

Moving forward, the boy showing up to this infamous detective's doorstep was cute. It felt like a real thing a small kid would do in his situation, but the immediate acceptance of the case by Sherlock felt a bit funny.

Wouldn't this famous detective have bigger fish to fry than this random boy's missing sister. Perhaps, a bit of reflection could make sense of this. Did Sherlock think he'd be able to solve this quickly, so it wouldn't interrupt his busy schedule too much. Or did he have a soft spot for this kid? Was he simply entertaining it until he saw the clue left his address–if so, maybe make the surprise/interest more evident on his face.

The remaining chapters contained some fun action moments. I really enjoyed the cliff-hanger ending during chapter two. And then, the letter, and unraveling who was behind it all–a man Sherlock had history with, was an interesting twist.

Pacing: The story is moving at a pretty fast pace so far. Perhaps that was because you were setting up the premise, but after chapter three, I would suggest giving Sherlock a moment to breathe and reflect.

It's a mystery, but it doesn't have to be action packed the whole time. Keep it engaging, but sometimes those big moments can be more effective when there's been adequate build-up. Just something to keep in mind going forward! But so far, no real complaints.

Style and Flow: The story flows nicely and it's been a quick read and easy so far. I will say, there are times when your sentences run really long. For instance, the last sentence in the opening paragraph.

In my opinion, and in most published works, you will find shorter, more concise sentences within larger paragraphs. They tend to read cleaner, so I would suggest breaking some of those bigger sentences down.

Characters: Since you're writing about characters that have already been established, and loved by many, there was little introduction to them. I wasn't necessarily confused, as it was briefly stated Sherlock was a detective, but some of their personalities (Sherlock and John) weren't super clear to me.

For instance, in chapter two, John has an outburst that felt unwarranted to me. Is that just something he does or was that part of the plot/mystery?

I think through John and Sherlock's dynamic moving forward, you could make their personalities more clear. Is one more of the comedic relief? Or are they both stern and professional?

So far, Sherlock seems more serious, smart, and caring due to helping out the boy. He's obviously brave too, but beyond that, I don't know much about him.

Grammar/Spelling: There weren't many errors within your writing. The main issues were with punctuation or grammar, mostly in relation to dialogue. For instance, you kept ending the dialogue with commas at the end of sentences, and I wasn't sure if that was just a typo, or a misunderstanding.

An example is in chapter two where a sentence ended with: "We need to run,"

A period should be placed after run.

Dialogue only ends in a comma if a dialogue tag (he said, the man whispered, a kid shouts) is present. [ex: "That cat is fast," he said.]

If the dialogue ends in either a question mark or an exclamation point, followed by a dialogue tag, then treat it as if that were a comma. [ex: "That cat is fast!" he exclaimed]

In chapter two, your wrote: "Did I..uhh..do..something, John?" He questioned.

This is an error, as the dialogue tag should be lowercase. [To fix: "Did I..uhh..do..something, John?" he questioned.

I found these errors repeated throughout, so if you care to correct them, I hope this made sense. If not, I suggest seeking out more resources online.

Final thoughts: Overall, this was a pleasant read. There were some great descriptions provided that really enhanced the story, and so far, the plot was engaging. It feels like you're on the right track, and I hope it continues on this path. I hope the appropriate fandom finds you--I'm sure they'd really enjoy your work! Keep writing! (: