Ohana Reviews

꧁༺Review ~ Pandav Atmaja

Title: Pandav Atmaja - A tragic ending and a new beginning

Author: shreejita23

Reviewer: AleksanderKirigan

***

Writing Style 9/10:

I love it! It's formal and very silky, it makes the readers feel as though they are reading from a professional author! :)

Flow 4/5:

Writing and story-wise, the flow is there, with the story being easy to catch on to. The only problem is the sheer amount of characters, which I will go in depth about later.

Vocabulary 10/10:

I don't see any mistakes if I were to be completely honest here! Good job :)

Engagement 8/10:

Obviously, as seeing the setting and theme of this story, your characters would be wearing traditional Indian clothing. You have seem to used Sanskrit and Hindi terms when explaining the clothing of characters. I suggest you put a glossary at the bottom of each chapter to explain what each of the terms mean as people who are not Indian (or Indian, like myself, but don't understand Sanskrit), will be able to understand what each of the words mean. :)

Cover 5/5:

Sheesh. That's nice. I have also seen that the second book in the series also has the same colour theme: blue over black. This makes it easy for people to identify books in a series! The images used also compliment the book. Nice job! :)

Title 5/5:

I mean, it makes sense with the story! Maybe with "A tragic ending and a new beginning", try and format it like "A Tragic Ending and a New Beginning", to make it seem more title-y. :)

Plot 23/25:

From the get-go (prologue), it seems to have set the story in a nice way. Especially with the question at the end which begs the reader to go on. The first chapter is very sweet, with the princess meeting her father after thirteen years. The second chapter is about how poor Suthanu got shot by two arrows, as well as being bit by a snake, with the gods giving a miracle to help me get better (I got a bit scared for a second!). In the third chapter, Arjun learns that Suthanu is married and already has a child! Ok, not gonna lie, I was a bit shocked by this lol. In the fourth chapter, we meet the villans, who want to kill everyone including Suthanu. But Kritvarma feels conflicted, as he was there when they children were all growing up. From a different perspective, Suthanu ends up feeding her brother Neem ladoos. Holy cow that's got to be bitter af. I would say that once the readers get into the chapters, readers will get hooked to the story, so don't worry about that. But like I had said earlier, maybe add a dictionary for Sanskrit terms for your International fans to get a bit of understanding. :)

Character/ Character development 17/20

I'd say your characters are interesting in all of their special ways. But there are quite a lot, and it is sort of hard to keep who is who in mind from the character cast you gave. Maybe when introducing characters, give a little backstory as to who they are, so people can remember your characters easily. This relates to flow as I am constantly having to job my memory and go back to the character cast to remember who is who. I'm not saying to get rid of any characters! No way! They are all unique! I'm just saying to give a lil explanation or write something that will help people remember them all. :)

Description/Blurb 5/5:

That's a great description! If I had randomly come across the book like that, I would definitely read it! :)

Basic grammar 4.5/5:

There nothing wrong, apart from a few times when you don't have a space after a comma, but that isn't a big thing unless the book would be published or something. :)

TOTAL: 90.5/100

Hey! Not bad! I'd say it's a great score! I had a look at your later chapters and noticed that you had considered not continuing, as you were on about 5K reads, and books with 1K reads seem to be having more engagement. Don't ever have that attitude as a writer! We're all different in ways, and our fandoms as well. People may have enjoyed your book, and just forgotten to vote or comment. It happens a lot with me as well. I see you have a fanbase that really enjoys your writing. So keep authoring, without noticing how much engagement you have. Eventually one day, you may blow up! Who knows? And with the 5K vs 1K reads? That's totally not always true. I'm close to 1K reads, and don't have that much engagement at all! Keep writing and having a positive attitude my friend, because you are gifted with the talent of writing. :)