Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Strawberry Shaped Love

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Strawberry Shaped Love

Author: @Ipsitalali

Title and Cover: The title is cute, and perhaps a subtle nod to their meet cute. I would make sure to capitalize the word 'shaped' in the title as well. And I love the cover–it looks very professional and clean. Would maybe add a shadow or outline to the title font, just so it pops a bit more. But other than that, perfect here.

Blurb: I would recommend breaking down the blurb into more sections; this way, it's easier to read and doesn't feel too overwhelming to a browsing reader.

Additionally, after reading the first five chapters, I would edit the blurb to only contain pertinent information. For instance, Aurora's job and her love of wine are hardly mentioned in the story. I think it should focus more on them waking up after a drunken night on a cruise ship–married. That's the selling point of this story, so you should highlight that!

Make it concise, catchy, and reflective of the main plot of the story–this way readers know exactly what to expect going into the story. If you'd like some more help on this, feel free to PM me!

Plot Overview: There's definitely an interesting premise to this story. The idea of them waking up on the cruise ship confused is amusing and innovative–I love where it is headed. But, based on the blurb, it seems like a big portion of the plot is the serial killer on the ship, and now five chapters in, there's been no mention of that portion.

Additionally, there are a few moments that I think could be added in to help make the story feel more realistic. For one, Aurora should be more apprehensive about being around Tobias–she has very limited knowledge of him and she seems stubborn. I also think for her character, it would make sense for her to try to get off the ship–turn it around, so she can head back to work. At the very least, ask a worker for more information, like how long they will be gone.

I think it would be fun for her to be more irritated about the situation, and have Tobias play the good guy, trying to get her to relax and enjoy the break from life.

What I'm saying is, there are a lot of opportunities for cute moments in the plot, but I think the formatting could use a bit of work. With a bit of tweaking, I think you'd have a hit story on your hands.

Pacing: Pacing has been my main issue so far. Again, I think this goes back to the formatting of the story. I feel a large plot-point should be the serial killer on the ship, so we need to move towards this point, without rushing.

One way to potentially accomplish this, would be to focus less on their initial introduction. Maybe it's more of a drunken blur that they try to rehash the next morning on the ship. This way, we waste no time getting into the thick of the plot–and they can begin to build their relationship while the subplot is taking place. This would help their whirlwind romance feel less rushed and forced as well, as it could develop more naturally.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is quite nice. Everything reads clean and you do a great job of describing details. No real issues here.

One small suggestion, the moments where you insert flashbacks feel a bit disjointed. I think the bold words 'flashback' kind of take readers out of the story. Perhaps, you could write the flashbacks in italics and have some kind of physical feeling come over Aurora (like a splitting headache, fluttering eyes, or fuzzy vision) to indicate the flashback is coming on, in a more subtle way.

Characters: Aurora is a spit-fire, and our first introduction shows she's not interested in a lovey-dovey existence. Which is why it felt jarring for her to blush and call the barista cute back. Perhaps she shouldn't have fallen so easily, or at least not let him know that she thought the same about him.

One idea would be to maybe have her be more stubborn and irritated by his flirting in the cafe, until he offered to buy her a drink–something she probably would jump at the offer. And this could help set up the drunken night to come. Also, the blurb mentions she loves wine, but this hasn't really been established in the story yet.

Tobias seems nice, I love some of his flirty lines–I think the dialogue is where your writing really shines. 

Grammar/Spelling: I hadn't noticed many spelling errors, so great work here! The only issue I really noticed is your usage of dialogue tags, which can be tricky to nail down. I would recommend searching some resources online to help with this.

A quick run-down: when using dialogue tags (I said, she spoke, my mother exclaimed) separate by a comma. [ex from your text, you wrote: "I told you, sweetheart." He spoke into my ears — it should read: "I told you, sweetheart," he spoke into my ears."]

Other: One other small thing I'd like to mention to help elevate your writing, would be to vary up your sentence structure. In chapter three, I noticed many of your sentences started with the word 'I' which can make your story feel repetitive. To help, I would recommend skimming your story after it's written to make sure the first sentences of your paragraphs have variety!

Final thoughts: Overall, I think this is a super unique story. I love the idea of these two, near strangers, being trapped on a ship together. They're unable to leave, which makes the story intriguing. I would lean into this more. Think of situations that would be unique to their situation–that's what will make your story stand out!

I'm already interested in seeing how the serial killer on the ship will play into the plot, so great work on keeping me invested. (: