Ohana Reviews

Review: Chaos Begin

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Chaos Begin [One more highschool comedy]
Author- Kathy_Marwin

Chapters,

Great start. The complete contrast between the girl feeling dread and a cheerful mother comes out nicely.

Girl coming out of the locker. I am just as shocked as Camilla.

The teacher is also one of a kind. An interesting character indeed.

Here each character seems really unique.

Too many descriptions for every character's clothing in a single chapter might get overwhelming. It might also be because of my personal preference, but I would still advise to keep it to the minimum and only the parts which are absolutely necessary.

Remi's character is so well portrayed. The ups and downs within the few sentences are shown very well.

I really thought that defectologist was a made up word by the Author, until I searched it.

Umm...how did Remi hear what Camilla's mom said? There was no indication that the phone was on speaker either. I am confused on this part, but Remi's reaction was gold.

I really enjoyed both the times when she laid out the rules for friendship-  a quarrel.

First chapter was written very well. It sets the tone. It is funny as well as knowing the neurodivergence in action rather than just speaking about it. Her behaviour is portrayed so beautifully.

Awesome line- she has a heart. It's just deep deep inside.

I felt the home life about Remi shouldn't have been outrightly told to Camilla. A bits and pieces maybe and that too only because Remi permitted it. But other than that it seemed weird for the defectologist to tell Camilla such a personal information of another student like this.

It must be really hard for students to complain about their teacher if every other authority turns out to be her sister.

The new characters are very interesting. The fact they are trying and have already been caught once for making fake news made my day.

Kirstin's character is one of a kind. The line where it mentioned that finding gossip about people was better than interacting with them. struck a chord. It showed her mental health and personality without speaking.

Let's be cowards together- what a line!!😂😂

I was really shocked by Marisa's sudden attitude change. The one who was so welcoming of the students with mental issues, had such an insensitive attitude towards her sister's issues.

What a game!! It was no surprise that Remi could think of it. What surprised me was that everyone else agreed to it.

The way she covered Oscar's eyes, stopping him from looking at Jenna, made me chuckle as well as get awed by her character.

First the bullying and the scene with Remi's mother. It was really heartbreaking. Emotions were conveyed really well.

****

Characterization:

Most of the characterization is brilliant. The students are all so different and unique with their personalities. They all connect really well. However, I felt that story would have been okay without the elaboration of the new supporting characters that didn't have much screen space.

The characters of the siblings were shown really well. Their fights, adjustments were interesting to watch. I would have loved it if there was a closure shown for the sisters(teachers and the principal). There was some hatred the twins felt for the principal. They even looked down on her issues. It would have been nice to know the reason and some kind of end for it.

****
Descriptions for the looks of characters felt too much while the descriptions of the scenes and surroundings were minimum. I would suggest balancing them out.
****

There is awesome comic timing and brilliant one liners. Most of the dialogues are fantastic too. However, there is a jump from one topic to another without a proper flow. The scenes are great but they come out of nowhere. A smooth transition and the connecting factor is missing

As I said before, I loved all the scenes, but I didn't know where the plot was moving. However, towards the end the plot was tied up beautifully.

I really admired Remi's strength and also Camilla started to build up courage. Story ended on a strong and beautiful note.

*****
Grammar:

Look out for fluctuating tenses. A few sentences weren't properly formed. There were a few typos too.

Overall, the story was grammatically well-written. It only has some minor errors.

Suggestion:
Cut off the 'I guess' part from the sentences if they aren't part of dialogues.

Blurb:

Just like the title mentions, the blurb is really chaotic. I like the ending. But overall blurb needs mending. It feels all over the place. Looking into the wonderful characters, I think the blurb can be much better, which can do them justice.

Last words:

Awesome story. Humour was at it's best. I laughed so much while reading the story. The Dialogue and the character's instant reactions(especially Remi's) were just too good. Along with humour, sensitive issues were also spoken about. I also liked the inclusion of different identities and preferences. While it could get a little more informative, it was well portrayed.

There is some improvement needed in the story, but the major and important parts are beautifully shown.

As a reviewer I pointed out the mistakes, but as a reader I might have ignored them all.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!

Ps: I loved all the sketches. Author & the co- author have great talent.