Ohana Reviews

Review- Rebellion

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Rebellion: Prince of Dawn
Author- jachinthebox

Blurb:

Love the starting line. It creates the hook right away. It might be more presentable if it wasn't all Caps, maybe only the starting letters of each word.

The blurb is so well-written in both the matters- creating a hook and drafting the sentences. Blurb is intriguing and it makes me want to read the book right away.

Moving towards the chapters,

The second blurb for volume one is simple yet interesting. Looking forward to see how he fights off his powerful father.

Descriptions are balanced. Not too much to overwhelm but enough to get a gist of the surroundings.

Dialogues are powerful enough. We can imagine the scenes without much specification.

I am amazed that there are different species involved. The facts about elves were interesting. And I enjoyed the whole conversation with the girl about her chasing the cat.

Contrary to the elf, there wasn't much information provided about the main lead's species. A little more information would not only create a better picture but would also help to relate with the war conversations.

The girl, Valentine, is said to be his ward. What does that mean? And why was she with people of other species? I would love to have some knowledge on the way the new world works.

I like the detailing done in the meeting. It was written well, and wasn't really overwhelming, like it mostly happens. However, for readers to relate and connect, we need to know the characters first. The whole thing is described so well. It would have been much more impactful if it came either along with some characterization or after it.

The trust and bond shown just before they go for a war is beautifully shown. I also like that he has already made preparations for the safety of Joy.

Reminding his trusted follower that he is a low born in the sweet moment, shows off some of his characteristic traits. There were many other instances that showed off his personality. Second chapter(1.2) did really well for us to make an opinion for the characters.

The sentence about the thornless rose was superb. While enemies are focusing on the thorns he lacks, the roots will strangle them. Loved it.

The imagery of the ritual and fight was portrayed really well.

In chapter 2.2, it didn't make sense that Edric gave out all details in one go, especially after he knew that Decan was captured. He should have been more cautious.

The fact that the king is becoming like someone he overthrew was shown really well. Capturing children of Lords so that no one can go against him was a cruel move. All the instances really showed off his characterization.

I don't think it was mentioned before that Salazar was a nandir.

I enjoyed the conversation between Salazar and Decan. Both had different views yet the same intention. Salazar's blunt nature and the way he asks Decan to choose was fantastic. That chapter ended with a great hook.

I feel so bad for the soldiers. They were given a chance to live by Decan only for their heads to be cut off by the king.

I can't even imagine the guilt Salazar would feel. Decan was going to die, but at least it wouldn't have been as a traitor.

The lines
I fought.
I lost.
Now I rest.
It was so impactful.
End of Chapter 2.4 really had me in goosebumps.

The twist that comes with the third chapter was awesome. I knew he would be born again from the blurb, but this was so unpredictable. A new-born child with the memories of his past intact. I can clearly see what an interesting turn this story is going to take.

*****

Characterization seemed lacking at first, but then it took a great turn in following chapters. Whether good or bad, the characters had made their marks very well.

Descriptions of scenes, actions and surroundings are portrayed well. An imagery immediately forms in my mind while reading those.

However, descriptions of body language and emotions need to be worked upon.

Concept is interesting and it has been presented well. Plot moves nicely. However there are a few factors that need to be addressed for it to move more smoothly. (Look at the suggestions part).

The writing style is brilliant. The words flow so smoothly. I like the way the story is presented. Even the dullest yet necessary moments in the story, don't feel dull.

Grammar:

Alignment of paragraphs changed in 3.1.

Missing and misplaced punctuations at some places(commas).

There are no major mistakes that can pose an obstacle to the flow of the story.

Overall, a grammatically well-written story.

Suggestions:

1) Don't start off with the war strategy right away. It is well-written, but a little more of Joy, Decan and Valentine in the first chapter might make it easier to get involved in the story, before we are thrown into action.

2)Let us know something about jinx in the start. Not everything, but at least something to build a picture. What is it? Who all have the ability to gain it? Does it come with birth or something that is won over?

3) Also show something that lets us know about the other species that are mingled in the single world. Not more but a line or two about them somewhere, even in some dialogue would be nice.

(For suggestion 2 and 3,
I noticed Glossary at the end. It might work if you put it at the start, or somehow explain the terms within the story itself)

Last words,

An intriguing and interesting story. The end of Decan really touched my heart, while his rebirth really floored me. I am really excited to see how the story progresses. I will definitely continue reading the story when the time permits.

There are some areas to improve, but it is still well presented. The story has great potential. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!