Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ The Cantonesia Caper

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: The Cantonesia Caper

Author: @kth_disneyfanatic

Title and Cover: The title is nice–I appreciate the alliteration, and it lets you know the story will contain some sort of escapade. Additionally, the cover is sleek. Everything is easy to read, and I quite like the font chosen for the title. My only concern would be that the cover doesn't necessarily read as an action novel, at first glance.

Blurb: The blurb flows nicely and explains the premise of the story clearly. I would recommend keeping the blurb concise–and only including necessary information. Therefore, I would omit the detail of meeting the two people in the second section. Reason being, we don't know who those names are, so it's not really adding any relevant information to potential readers.

Also, in the second section, I would take out the double 'her' at the end of that first sentence, here. Because, it makes just as much sense saying "...a dangerous mistake that costs her freedom," and it omits that awkwardness of the same word next to each other twice. But other than that small thing, great blurb!

Plot Overview: I love the opening; in a chase, with a stolen shopping bag helps create a clear image of our main character and what to expect with her. Great job setting up the world, showing its flaws and the dark underbelly of the city.

Additionally, I really enjoyed the main party scene setting up the girls meeting. I did not see the plot twist coming, so great job executing that.

So far, the only oversight I'm a bit fuzzy on pertains to Amelia's capture. I may have just misunderstood, but I'm not clear on how much time has passed. And why wouldn't the Bauhinia come looking for her? If she hasn't returned, they know where she last was, and would Amelia not expect them to come for her?

Overall, the plot is exciting, and you've done a great job of keeping my interest while immersing me into this new world.

Pacing: The pacing feels nice, so far. Everything is well thought through and detailed so as to not brush over anything. The only moment that felt a bit rushed for me was the initial introduction to the premise.

To me, it felt Amelia agreed too quickly to her father's request of harming the governor's daughter. After reading more of the chapters, it made sense, but in the moment, it felt too easy. Reason being, at that moment, the readers had no idea she was capable of such violence without remorse. So, the instant 'yes' felt jarring.

I think one way to help slow this down and make it make more sense for the readers would be to include a bit of internal dialogue after her father's ask. It doesn't have to be much–even just a sentence or two! But something like suggesting she knows better than to ask details, or establishing the power her father holds over her more clearly, could help this decision feel less rushed.

Style and Flow: I love your writing style. Everything reads clean but is still very descriptive at the same time. It flows easily and was an enjoyable read.

Furthermore, great job incorporating the flashbacks. Often times, these can be hard to do as they tend to feel disjointed. But your transitions were seamless and thoughtful.

Characters: Amelia is a cool main character. She's a badass, and a bit stubborn–great job establishing her personality. I also appreciate the complicated dynamic with her father. In fact, I could use even more of this. Perhaps through her flashbacks, you could show even more of his personality.

I also really enjoyed the way Elise and Darling were introduced as a menacing pair. Their dynamic is very interesting and I'm eager to learn more about secrets they may be hiding. I really appreciated Darling's flashback to learn more about her difficult upbringing–it made me feel more compelled to root for her.

Grammar/Spelling: I didn't notice any major spelling errors while reading. The only grammatical errors I noticed were in dialogue, occasionally–mainly at the end of chapter five. This may have just been rushed, and not an actual misunderstanding in grammar usage.

But, there was a moment where your dialogue ended in a comma instead of a period. Additionally, be careful with your punctuation when using dialogue tags. So, when using dialogue tags (I said, she exclaimed, etc), the dialogue should be connected with a comma. [ex: "I thought I explained this," I stated.]

But, when there is no dialogue tag, and instead just a mention of action, the dialogue should end with a period, not a comma. I noticed this error a couple of times. For example, at the end of chapter five you wrote: "What we need are some helpful gadgets," Amelia walked over to the right side of the armory.

Since there is no dialogue tag, there should just be a period after gadgets. Hope that made sense!

Other: One small thing, I may be alone on this, but I didn't know what a bauhinia was until the explanation in chapter five. For this reason, in the prologue when there was mention of a bauhinia insignia, I thought there was a mistake in capitalization. Perhaps here you could mention what the insignia actually looks like to communicate this to readers who may be confused, like me. Or I may just be dumb. (:

Final thoughts: I really enjoyed the first five chapters of this story. You're a very talented writer, and your vivid use of imagery allowed me to picture everything in my head. I love the concept of the dark-side of the city. And, the unique predicament Amelia has found herself in–having to help the people who are trying to bust her, is a great twist. After reading, I'd definitely be interested in reading more of your work. Great job!