Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Echoes

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Echoes

Author: @AakritiPathak

Title and Cover: The title is intriguing–sounds suited for a mystery novel. And I love the cover! The image is eerie and intriguing, and the font pops nicely off the background. It looks very professional, and I'd be inclined to click onto it to read more!

Blurb: The blurb makes the story sound intriguing to read, which is great. It sounds like this story may be more of a psychological thriller, and that's an exciting concept. My only critique would be to add a comma after 'some time back' in that first sentence, just so it reads smoother.

Plot Overview: The whole story is written a bit passively in the sense that not every scene or line of dialogue is explicitly stated. Sometimes, this style could come across as 'telling,' but you managed to create more of a poetic story that never felt dull.

The first chapter was introduced beautifully–I loved the opening line and the tone the reference to rain had set. However, the long-winded descriptions of each woman did teeter on a bit of an information dump. I would consider finding a way to introduce each character and their backstory more organically instead of in a listed order, as it feels like a lot of information, especially in that first chapter.

Moving forward, the next few chapters were captivating. I appreciate the way you incorporated shocking twists in subtle ways, such as us being 'sold' in the end of chapter two or the twist in chapter three, that we had history with this man.

Overall, the plot was engaging and I'm curious to see how this will all play out.

Pacing: The pacing felt nice to me. This story seems mostly to be happening inside this troubled girl's head, and readers are offered a lot of her thoughts and reflections, so it makes sense there isn't a ton of fast-paced action. However, each scene is vividly described with care and detail that makes the story feel appropriately paced.

Style and Flow: You have chosen a unique point of view to write in which has created a distinct style. Oftentimes, second person POV (use of the word 'you') is written to create an interactive story for readers. But in this case, it serves to make an immersive and poetic read. The use of the word 'you' feels a bit disorientating, but for this dark and heavy story that feels suited.

And your descriptions are wonderful. It's clear you have a knack for writing, and again, most of your lines feel very poetic. I especially love the descriptions offered in chapter four suggesting the girl had been drugged and the sensations she was feeling.

Characters: The characters in this story are interesting, as neither have clear names or identities. Yet, they are still intriguing. I appreciate the small suggestion that these two have history, and their dynamic is a bit confusing.

It's hard to tell what 'You's' intentions really are or what direction their relationship will go, so that does peak my interest. As for 'she,' it's clear the girl is deeply troubled from going through extreme abuse. She's timid and seems to have lost herself, which only feels appropriate for the experiences she's been through. It's clear you've thought out her story and how it would impact her personality.

Grammar/Spelling: The story contained very few errors, but I did leave a couple of inline comments with suggestions. Other than those things, I wanted to note to be careful with tense changes in your writing. The story is mostly written in past tense, but there are times where your verbs don't match this structure and things read a bit funny.

For instance, in chapter three you wrote: 'Now, sitting behind the wheel there you were, humming a track..." It felt a bit out of place, the word 'now' and the present tense verb 'sitting.' I would consider finding a way to rewrite this to better match the past tense, and keep an eye out for other places where this occurs!

Another error I noticed was in reference to dialogue tags (he said, a man yelled, etc) when dialogue ends in punctuation. When dialogue ends in a question mark or exclamation point, the dialogue tag is actually lowercase [ex: "Look at that cat!" my father shouted.]

In chapter five, you wrote: "Are you feeling pain?" You asked. To correct this, simply lowercase 'you.'

Final thoughts: You've written a uniquely dark and twisted story. It's intriguing and disorientating in all the best ways! You are a very talented writer with poetic flair. I enjoyed your story and hope you keep writing. Great work!