Ohana Reviews

Review ~ The Demon is Born

The Demon is born by manigandanrmec

Reviewer: kailucy

Title: 4/5

The title is good. It goes with the story and is easy to remember.

Cover: 5/5

I really like the cover. It has a mysterious vibe to it which goes perfectly with the story. I especially love the detail of the silhouette. The color scheme is wonderful as well.

Blurb: 4/5

Well written. Intriguing and got me excited to start reading. You introduced the main character, his role, and the main conflict. All components of a good blurb. There were a few mistakes, however. The first paragraph is fine as far as I can tell. The middle line is missing a word and has an extra punctuation mark. You wrote: "Will Jack able to bring the mysterious killer in front of the law?." You should add "be" in-between "Jack" and "able" and you don't need the period after the question mark. And then the last sentence: "Or will it lead to destruction of humanity which reminds the future generation." you should add "the" in-between "to" and "destruction" and replace the period with a question mark. I may have missed something. I'm not the best with commas (hides) but those were the things I spotted.

Plot: 20/20

The plot is great! It's fast-paced and super interesting. I had a lot of fun reading this and making guesses. I can't wait for the updates. The main conflict is specific and lines up with the blurb.

Characters: 13/15

The characters are introduced and described well. The dialogue felt a bit stiff at times though. And at times it was hard to imagine them. I would like to know more, maybe sprinkle some little details throughout about their backstories, looks, and personalities. Just drop some hints occasionally it'll help them a lot.

Writing style: 18/20

You have an engaging writing style and it really fits the genre of the book. The descriptions are great. There were some formatting issues in some places though. For example: make a new paragraph when a different character talks. At times I was a little confused. You did most of the time but there were a few parts where you didn't and it was confusing. Also, you don't need to write all the dialogue in italics. A good rule for those is keeping them restricted for emphasis or flashbacks.

Grammar/Spelling/Vocabulary: 17/20

I'm using screenshots just because I feel like its easier to pinpoint some of the errors. Keep in mind I'm not the best with some things so its very likely i missed some. Also if you want me to take the screenshots down just let me know and I will.

For most part the errors i noticed are quick fixes. Some tense issues and incorrect capitalizations. Otherwise mostly I think you did good.

And as I stated in the section above maybe think about writing most of the dialogue in normal font.

First circle: maybe make the time right below the date instead? It'll look a little better.

Second circle: you don't need to capitalize 'amazing'

First circle: it should say "Jack nods his head."

Second: this line just reads kinda weirdly

I believe you meant to write "For a moment"
Also the second sentence kinda reads weird.

First circle: don't really need to specify. Not an error though just a suggestion.

Second circle: the second sentence reads weird.

The dialogue got confusing. Maybe add a fee dialogue tags to give the reader an idea of who's talking. You don't have to for every line but at least the first two lines. Also maybe give the reader some idea of what the characters are doing as they're speaking.

Engagement: 9/10

Your story is really engaging and I hope to continue reading once you update.

Overall: 91/100

Overall, you have a very nice story. The characters and plot are interesting. Just keep some of the things I said in mind and maybe edit when you have a chance and it will be even better. Keep up the great work! Good luck with your future writing/editing!

Sorry for the wait! I hope this is helpful!