Ohana Reviews

Review-To Abide with Strays

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- To abide with strays
Author- KittyDevan

Blurb:

Blurb seems quite intriguing. The story of three women who are so different from each other, but are going to come together when something major happens. The most intrigued I am, is to find out how their different secrets would be intervened. The blurb seems interesting and is well-written too. I would just suggest putting some space between two paragraphs.

Moving towards the chapters,

Nine hours. Damn! They sure are working hard.

The part during the site was described well. The tired people, barking orders, discussing & disagreeing about what it might be. It did seem like a chaotic workplace.

However, I would like it if more was described when she was in the quarters.

Who asked the question- why is she here? It was in italics, so someone probably thought about it in their mind, but who?

Damn, I previously thought Esha was another girl 😂😂.

I liked their conversation, but a little more descriptions are required as we don't really know the characters.

The jogger found the shiny material which turned out to be a glass pane, this is surely interesting.

The chapter ended with a great cliffhanger. The sentence will really hook the readers in.

Hole-digger😂😂...fun nickname for an Archaeologist.

A terrible nightmare to wake up to. The end of her dream and start of her reality was hilarious. The fluid on her face...by her dog😂

Nadya surely hates the work her granny left behind for her. Her hatred for that and the love she has for Bum surely contradicts each other, making her seem more human.

Damn! All her hard work went in vain. Her going to sleep leaving everything for the next day seemed realistic.

I wish I was a pet like you- this line really seems to come from her heart😂

I enjoyed Nadya's short conversation with Zech. They seem to know each other well.

First meeting of Esfir and Nadya was just awesome. Grumpy granddaughter and renowned hole-digger, hilarious comments.

Alyona seems to have anxiety. Her thoughts as she observes everybody and the comments she made internally gives it away. Her panic thoughts are well portrayed.

★It was seen by Esfir, Nadya, and Alyona except for others.
The above sentence was really impactful. However, I would suggest rewording it a bit.
→It wasn't seen by anyone else except for Esfir, Nadya, and Alyona.

Suddenly meeting in the middle of night- interesting. Really curious to find who the hidden silhouette was, especially after the damage caused in the data hub.

Pops? Is Alyona related to someone in the team? Oh! Found it. It was Dmitry. Just one thing- it was never mentioned when he entered the interrogation room or was he already there? Look out for this information. Also mention who he is in the department. He seems to have an important position yet I don't remember reading about him in the earlier chapters.

I resonate with Esfir's worries. But I hope they don't come true.

Awesome line- They don't need a knight in shining armor, they need a lance of knights.

No one can manage these girls- awesome lines, gives away what Andre was feeling instantly.

The whole conversation with Andre and girls felt like it could have been so much more interesting if it was a little more clear. Separate the dialogues spoken by different people. The thoughts, descriptions and dialogues; all got jumbled up. The idea, their body language, their dialogues; everything was awesome, only if it was a little more polished, it would have turned out great.

Esfir really needed that affirmation. Someone trusting her in this crazy ordeal must have been a slight relief for her.

There are many characters who are somehow connected with each other.

Alyona's friendship with Andrei looks beautiful. Her coming in between the first introduction with his crush- it was hilarious.

Their banter was amusing to read. Poor guys got stuck in between. It was enjoyable.

It was cute and sweet when it was mentioned that only Zech could taunt Esha and others were restricted.

The Ser, Sir, Seir part was fun as well. Adding the terms like groan, huffing, losing patience etc would uplift the part more, especially when the other guys tries and fails again to speak up the right word.

This man saluted without even understanding anything- I really busted out laughing at this part.

Something seems fishy with selection.

I guess chapter 8 is going to be my most favorite chapter out of all the chapters I have read. There are so many awesome moments in it.

*****

Characterization is good. The main leads are well portrayed. The difference in personalities is shown well too. About other characters, I was able to recognize and remember most of them, hopefully all important ones. Just one suggestion- a little bit of description about their reactions, their expressions would be better.

World building is done well. It was like we were actually at the scene. The work seemed like someone who has actually worked in these types of situations has written the scenes.

Conversations are catchy and amazing, but they need to be polished a little bit.

Concept is interesting and the plot flows well at a steady pace. However, the smooth flow is compromised because of presentation and different sentence formations.

Writing style needs some work. Story seems much more interesting from the second chapter onwards. First chapter is good but it is more on a technical side. It might scare off the readers to read it at the start. You might have to mix the technicalities with some interesting dialogues/banter to make it more engrossing. Just like the one part in the first chapter- the part which emphasized the not-so-polite chief.

Grammar:

★Tenses keep fluctuating, breaking the flow of the story.

★Punctuation errors- missing and misplaced fullstops and commas.

★There is no need to put a comma if the dialogue ends with a full stop or an exclamation mark.

★Sentence formations seem a little weird. I have pointed out a few sentences from the story for example.

First chapter

"Someone is cursing," mumbled as heading towards his cabin.

→"Someone is cursing," he mumbled as he headed towards his cabin.

Chapter four

We need your support nevertheless of that glass pane

→ We need your support nevertheless for that glass pane

They might knew about me
→They might know about me

Chapter five

Is Pops knew about this?
→Does Pops know about this?
Or
→Did Pops know about this?

I shouldn't visit you last day
→I shouldn't have visited you last day

★At one or two places, the story turned from first person to third person. So look out for that.

Suggestion:

Put some space between the dialogues when different people are speaking to be able to distinguish them.

Last words,

Story is really interesting. The ideas, the facts, the bonds are well thought of and beautifully portrayed.

The major problem arises in the language. I have gone through the same problem earlier. The formations turn out weird mostly because we think in our mother language and translate it to English. Or the difference in the way of speaking English in different countries/localities.

The story has great potential. And it will turn out really well with some editing.