Ohana Reviews

Review: Predestined

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Predestined
Author- EmmaSebastianThomas

Blurb:

A short, simple yet intriguing blurb. A patient calling a doctor somewhere is already suspicious but the hint of a tragic story makes me all the more curious about what might take place. A little information is provided while keeping almost everything hidden. The last line of his mind consuming him, makes me intrigued to what is going to happen. A very-well written blurb.

Moving towards the chapters,

Nice start. Some part of his personality and his family is nicely portrayed. I like how the story started with toys, giving off the impression of a family man.

I think the boy and that girl sound strange, especially when the one thinking about them is their father. If you want to conceal names, then kids or his boy and girl would sound better. As currently it sounds like speaking about strangers.

In the other instance too, the loving relationship between the children and father didn't come out well. It seemed all words rather than actions. They seemed too formal.

I liked how Hana's character was portrayed. Her outer appearance along with her behaviour was so well shown, letting us know that something was different about her.

First chapter ended with a great cliffhanger. It keeps readers on edge and eager to read the following chapters.

Whoa! What happened to the doctor really seems suspicious. I am wondering how and what happened.

Hana's behaviour is question Worthy. It seems she is doing something that is causing all this. But we do not have any proof yet.

What surprised me was why the doctor would call her daughter to the other side of the road, instead of going towards himself, especially when she is just a seven year old.

Why would a nurse carry the injection outside the hospital?

There are many questions building up as the story moves forward, increasing my interest in the story.

My heart thudded violently as he saw the kids in a bloody mess. Just like the first time, it all changed with the doctor not understanding what happened and everyone safe, only for something worse to happen.

The curiosity has raised to a par. Hana's involvement is obvious but what is happening is still a question. Author has done a great job in creating this mystery.

The last chapter held all the answers. Instead of Hana pulling the strings, it was the doctor all along. While his past and Byul's past was explained very well, there were some parts of the story that still didn't make sense.

King of Blamore and Chelara...what are these? A little explanation would do good.  And the part of the souls and portals, etc...the information just went above the head.

I feel like in the excitement of ending the story...the parts were rushed a little. While most of the chapter was awesome, some parts do need editing. Revisiting  the last chapter might be better.

The ending paragraphs were really awesome. They were hooking and created a mark that was needed.

******
Characterization is perfect for the most part. The characters connect really well. The bafflement, shock, hurt, everything is expressed really well. The only thing I would suggest is to create a better bond between the kids and father in the first chapter.

Concept is unique and well presented. The mystery along with paranormal activities work really well. I was on the edge until the last chapter.

Plot moves smoothly. There aren't any plot holes, but like I said before, the ending plot can be explained more vividly.

I am not used to stories with the right alignment, but it didn't create any problems.

Cliffhangers in the story were awesome. It was really amusing that the story also ended with a kind of cliffhanger.

Grammar:
Minor, negligible punctuation errors.  Minor Fluctuating tenses between past tense and present tense.

Some sentences that feel weird:

1)"You okay, Doctor Kim?" Giving him a suspicious look.

→ The sentence after the dialogue feels weird and incomplete.

So either you can write,
"You okay, Doctor Kim?" She asked, giving him a suspicious look.

Or
"You okay, Doctor Kim?" She gave him a suspicious look.

2)Byul left her seat, stepped onto the road, doesn't fear the on-coming vehicles coming her way.

→ Byul left her seat, stepped onto the road, not fearing the vehicles coming her way.

Doesn't would not come as it wouldn't seem like an action and the on-coming vehicles means they are coming on her way, so using them twice wouldn't make sense.

Last words,
I enjoyed reading the story. It was so well-written. The events left me questioning what was going on and also gave me quite a scare a few times. Awesome work!

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!