Ohana Reviews

Review- Joy to Joy

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Joy to Joy
Author- @OfurevV

Blurb:
Blurb is well-written. It shows us about the main event which the story will revolve around. And also the personality of the main lead. From the looks of the blurb, this seems like a story based on character development. It seems interesting. Looking forward to seeing how it is shown.

The blurb outside and the blurb inside the book has minor changes. While both are individually nice, I prefer the one in the story(Introduction chapter).

Moving towards the chapters,

Unique start. The show of subtle things like blink before the switch of power was a good idea.

The switch from talking about one topic/character to another didn't seem too smooth. Everything felt all over the place. I feel like some changes are needed in the first chapter to make it more hooking. Maybe focus on the scholarship part and show about Dorcas some other time.

The fight between the parents in the second chapter was nicely described. It sounded like a real fight happening in the house. Joy remembering and wishing for her brother at that moment was really heart touching. The feelings were portrayed really well.

The way Brian's Mom keeps cutting off Joy's Mom. Wonder how she was able to keep her composure at that moment.

Small yet effective sentence- we did not come for this. It really gives away the extent of what they are feeling right now.

The family drama seems too realistic. It isn't over the top with exceptional dialogues nor is it too subtle. Just the perfect amount. Great job done here.

The slight rivalry between Faith and Joy is fun to watch. And if we attach their rivalry to their names it becomes all more amusing.

The Gateman part was hilarious and real. It is always the innocent one who gets blamed first.

The two friends are gossiping and advising each other to not do that at the same time😁. Conversation was interesting.

The study session was a disaster. I feel bad for Joy.

I keep noticing that things happening in this story feel much more realistic. Like the main concepts are from a usual teen fiction story, but the way the characters are handling it, and how it progresses makes it seem like everyday real life. That's a unique touch I have seen for the first time.

I will have to repeat last year's prayers since none yielded results- Awesome, deep, emotional and a hilarious line, all at once.

Joy's dad is a piece of art.

Wonder what Faith is going through. And what secret Joy knows about her.

*****
Characterization is good, but can be better. We can distinguish the characters alright. However, some of them come out of nowhere or it feels like they aren't really needed for the story. Joy's character seems good, but it isn't exactly like it was portrayed in the blurb. The best characterization done I would say is of her parents.

World building is done brilliantly. There are subtle signs and hints that we usually forget. The constant use of generators, the heat, inverters only in rich houses, the thing about education, everyone wanting to go abroad, the situation in the streets; all these little things make a big picture for the story.

Concept is interesting. However, I guess the main part is yet to come. The talks about the shutdown of universities have just started in the 7-8 chapter, so I haven't gotten the chance to read the main part of the story. Regardless, the story until now is interesting with many intriguing and fun factors.

Story moves at a steady pace. Look out for the transition between one scene to another. It needs some work.

Writing style is a little different, mostly the style of conversations. It might be the case of cultural difference. However it is fine, as long as the context is understandable.

Grammar:
Tenses keep fluctuating between past tense and present tense.

Some sentences run off. Combined with too many commas and conjunctions, making it too jumbled. They are best suited as separate sentences.

If a dialogue ends without a dialogue tag, then it needs to end with a full stop instead of a comma.

There are some missing verbs, and quotation marks are missing in one or two places.

Many sentences are framed differently. They are understandable but it feels like something is missing/misplaced in those sentences.

All these are minor errors which can be easily corrected while editing.

Last words,

Writing is unique to say the least. It seems more like a real story than a fictional one. I really enjoyed the touch of reality.

I liked reading the story. There were a few moments that fell flat, but most of the story was interesting to read.

Story has great potential. Just a little more work is needed.

Thank you for choosing me. Keep writing!!