Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Love at Dawn [Part two]

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Love at Dawn

Author: @LiebeKlara

Plot Overview: The next five chapters were another fun read. I really appreciated the amount of history you managed to weave in throughout. I'm not much of a history buff, but you sprinkled in just enough to set the scene without it being too informational or boring.

Chapter six and the beginning of seven were a bit slower, but that felt necessary. I liked the introduction to the new characters, Charlene and her older brother. It felt right for an opposing love interest to be subtly mentioned, and I hope that subplot point comes back into play later for some added drama.

Also, this slower scene helped create some tension so that when the reunion between Edith and Andre took place at her home, it was that much more rewarding. Their slowly blossoming relationship was a lot of fun to read.

One last note, I appreciated the subtle mentions of women's roles during this time period. For instance, when Edith meets Madame Roland and there is mention of them having to hold their tongues–and talk of intelligence being a blessing or curse for women at that time. These conversations felt important, and I love that this is a theme of your story.

My only real advice, these next few chapters leaned heavily on dialogue. And while beautifully written, I would be careful to avoid 'white room syndrome' when so much dialogue is present. What I mean by this is don't forget to set the scenes, describe the characters, the appearance of the room, etc. At times, it felt like jumping from one conversation to the next, and since you have such wonderful descriptions in other places, I would hate for any parts to lack the same finesse.

Overall, the plot was engaging and informational. A really entertaining read–great work!

Pacing: The story is well–paced. You understand how to tell a story, and slow down parts that need it. Also, you don't linger on parts that are unimportant to plot, instead you jump forward in time and keep the story moving. All good here.

Style and Flow: Your writing style is what makes your story unique. You have wonderful descriptions and analogies sprinkled in throughout. And, I especially love how the words you use through dialogue and descriptions feel suited to the time period. It makes the story that much more immersive, and it really feels like I'm back in time.

Also, things flow nicely. While these next five chapters jumped around from small scenes to the next, you transitioned between things nicely, and nothing felt choppy.

Characters: Edith is such a fun main character. She's a strong female lead, smart and stubborn, but at the same time she still feels youthful in her feelings towards Andre.

The next few chapters focused on Andre and Edith's growing relationship. There were little moments of closeness peppered into the plot, and the progression felt very natural. I loved mention of Edith's childhood self serving as an inspiration to Andre later.

This was a subtle way of suggesting their relationship really meant something more to Andre, and it was a nice way to tie everything in together. I've really enjoyed watching Edith come to terms with her feelings with Andre, and I'm interested in seeing how things unfold from here.

Grammar/Spelling: Again, these next few chapters were very well-written, so I didn't notice any real typos. As mentioned in your last review, there is error in how you punctuate dialogue when no dialogue tag is present, so I'd go back through to correct those throughout, if you care to do so. But other than that, everything looks good here!

Final thoughts: Overall, this story feels intelligent and well-written. It feels like an important story to tell since there is so much focus on female empowerment, and I hope this theme remains throughout. I love Edith more and more as I read on, and I've really enjoyed seeing her relationship with her old friend, Andre, unfold. It's a great read, and you're a very talented writer. Wish I had more to offer, but you seem to be on the right track. Keep writing! (: