Ohana Reviews

Review- An Exchange Of My Brother

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- An exchange of my brother
Author- cherryprop

Blurb:

Blurb is really mysterious, making me wonder what I will find inside. The title along with this intriguing blurb gives me a gist about some fantasy, but I will have to see if my assumptions come true. Overall, it is nicely written. However, I have one suggestion. The last paragraph doesn't get along well in my opinion. Add another sentence, after increasingly confused and make an altogether another sentence about the brothers redefining their sibling relationship.

Moving towards the chapters,

What an amazing start! Especially the use of Again. It raised my eyebrows, making me really intrigued.

Descriptions are great, they create a vivid image of the things.

Main characters are developed nicely. Their way of thinking, their emotional state, etc is captured nicely.  Just make sure to check what pronouns they go by and keep it stable or mention the reason behind the sudden change. Their pronouns kept changing. It might confuse people.

Supporting Characters(friends) are just thrown around without proper introduction. Half the chapter was over and there was a  sudden mention of twins. Who among them were twins, I had no idea. In the previous chapter too, Hector's friends were shown abruptly too. A small introduction is needed, anything that would make us distinguish them.

I am at a loss here. How can someone grab a computer for class? Is it a mobile or a laptop? Or your country has different technology😅

Recipe was a nice idea...but along with that if it was paired with the lady's thoughts or some conversation... It would have been more interesting.

I love how misunderstandings are portrayed. Reading the book from the point of view of both the brothers gives us an altogether different view, expanding our experience. We wouldn't have understood his agony and would consider him to be a straight up bully if not for his Point of view. We found the troubles he went through himself.

Story has many moments that I really loved. The mix of emotions, trauma, and fantasy is really good.

The concept is very interesting and intriguing. With every chapter, my interest keeps on growing.

Suggestion:

You can write whose point of view is the chapter of, at the top of the chapter.

Grammar:

Paragraph spacing is weird in a few areas. Tenses keep fluctuating between past tense and present tense.

Many sentence formations are a little weird. I can understand what it means but they don't flow well.

These aren't wrong, just my opinions.
Chapter one
★My alibi, in all this.....Ms. Leborgne, who agreed to helping me yesterday while I came to shop....

→My alibi......who agreed to help me yesterday when I came to shop....
(This might sound better)

★She knows when to have your back when you need it.

→She knows to have your back when you need it.

Last words,

Amazing story. It moves smoothly, gaining my interest. Story is hooking but the writing can be polished.

Ps: The doodles were awesome.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!