Ohana Reviews

Review- Margana: To seek the truth

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- Margana: To seek the truth
Author- AnjiLino

Blurb:

Nice start. I like the lines Fighting for survival...Fighting for answers...Fighting for forever. They create a great hook. Blurb is interesting and intriguing, but there are some minor errors.

1) Instead of - The Failure of....

→I think- After the failure of...would suit better.

2)encounters a wide variety of different sceneries.

→I think it is supposed to be different scenarios rather than sceneries.

3) At two places the words are highlighted by double inverted commas(") while at one place they are highlighted by single inverted commas('). Both are okay, but I would suggest selecting one style.

4) In the last para- You will join Margana....seems like an order.

→Maybe- You will get to join Margana...would suit better.

Overall, the blurb was good. It gave us some information about what has happened to the main lead, while still letting us wonder how and what actually she is going through. 

Prologue

Nice start. We can feel the main lead's excitement clearly. 

Letting other people go first while trying a new thing is so relatable. Parents' worry seemed understandable too. 

Only 7 people, this is surely getting interesting.

Nice cliffhanger at the end of the prologue. The shift from excitement to dread was shown well.

Moving towards the chapters,

The words - it wasn't anything new to me...made me curious. It made me think whether there was some backstory behind it?

I like the comparison with the jewel of light.

The starting paragraphs made it seem like she had already given up after trying. However, her shouting for help later on didn't transition too well. 

I would suggest to put that para above or you could mention a line saying she gathered courage and gave it a try for one more time.

Mystery woman seems intriguing. She does seem intimidating.

Only a few questions can be answered. This is interesting. If the main lead is shown struggling and contemplating what is more important to ask among all the questions she has, it could be more impactful.

Descriptions of wind cutting through are beautifully penned down. We can vividly imagine the situation. 

I would Like to read the reason behind choosing the gateway of darkness instead of light. Was there logic, or just gut feeling, or anything else. Would love to see her thoughts.

The panic, the confusion, the hopelessness, everything is shown really well. I really like that she has not gotten accustomed to the new world in a jiffy. The confusion, the struggle makes it so much more relatable.

Landing on clouds, walking on air, seems cool. Wonder what all new things she will encounter.

I agree with Margana's doubts. Lino's actions are suspicious. Wonder if he is actually someone put to hinder Margana's success. Or the situation is creating doubts when there is nothing wrong. 

****

Characterization is good but can be better. We don't really know facts about the main lead, yet we know her personality through her thoughts and conflicts.

The confusion and struggle to keep up and understand what's going on is portrayed well. However, I would have also liked if there was something more in between rather than just this. 

World building is done nicely. There are so many aspects/stages in this new world, and they are described well as Margana faces them. 

The descriptions and detailing when she passes through the gates/ falls through are shown really well, especially the wind. Detailing about the air and how it affects her is so beautifully described each and every time.

Writing style can be worked on a bit. Paragraphs are too long. It can get jumbled up, especially when dialogues are hidden between them. At some point the writing style also changed.

There is a lot of information that readers don't know. However, as the story is from the first point of view and the main lead, herself, isn't aware of anything, this makes sense.

As they keep passing by one thing or other, It seems like they are stuck in some sort of game. If it is supposed to be like this, then the author has nailed it. But if it isn't like this, then the story is moving at a really fast pace.

Grammar:

Tenses fluctuate continuously in the chapters.

Alignment kept changing in the latter chapters.

I like and understand what she is saying. However, there's some sort of issue in sentence framing. I feel that if the same sentences were tweaked a little bit, they would flow a lot smoother.

A few sentences could be better as two or three different sentences instead of just being joined by commas.

Commas are missing before/after the dialogues.

Eg: she said, "Hey!"

"It is important," said Lino.

I suggest not using abbreviations unless it is for a text message.

 I have pointed out some mistakes I found in earlier chapters,

Chapter 1

1)Why did this place drained my energy?

→ Why did this place drain my energy?

2) In fact, others can actually died.

→ In fact, others have actually died.

Chapter 2

1) It is something I clarified to me, but I will understand it somehow.

→It is something not clarified to me, but I will understand it somehow.

Suggestion:

1)Change the para once a long dialogue is complete. It will make it easier for readers to read and understand. 

2)Separate dialogues from monologues.

Last words,

Concept is fantastic and I found the chapters interesting too. Some work is needed in presentation and grammar. Otherwise, the story has a huge potential.

I felt like this story would be much more interesting and fascinating to see as a movie rather than reading it as a book. Good work.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!