Ohana Reviews

꧁༺Review - Twin flames

Title: Twin flames

Author: @Tw_hp13 

Reviewer: AleksanderKirigan

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Writing Style: 10/10

I like your style, very mysterious! It reminds me of J.K.'s style if I were to be completely honest. Can't really say much else, as most link to the topics below.

Flow: 3.5/5

Disclaimer, I'm being a little picky here. :)

1. During the first chapter, there was a little alcohol drinking scene. I'm slightly confused as to what happened, and who was drinking. Maybe rewrite that particular scene, to make it a little clearer as to what happened. And also, try and add a little description to where the main character is.

2. In the author's note, you had given keys to different fonts of writing like bold for thoughts, "quotation's for speaking", ***asterisks for dreams and flashbacks***, +addition signs for jumps in locations or time+. The quotations are fine, as they are a staple needed. But it is very hard to keep the rest in mind when reading, and I found myself as a reader continuously running back to check what meant what. So, I'll give you a few tips as how to format thoughts, dreams etc.

THOUGHTS: For thoughts, you can either format them in italics:

I am very bored, she thought.

Or in normal font:

I am very bored, she thought.

But you will need to add some sort of indicator that a person is thinking, otherwise it sort of trips up the reader :).

DREAMS/FLASHBACKS: Mainly in the authoring world, dreams and flashbacks are formatted entirely in italics.

JUMPS IN LOCATIONS OR TIME: Now the asterisks come in play. If doing a major jump, put asterisks in between writing like this:

Blah blah blah ending

***

Blah blah blah starting

If doing a small jump, just start a new paragraph :)

And that's it for flow!

Vocabulary 10/10:

The range of words you used is quite wide. Keep up the work to drag in more readers! :D

Engagement 9/10:

I was very intrigued by the cast and playlist of songs you chose, and specific lyrics from that certain song. It sets a nice mood. But it kind of dragged on with the quotes, in my opinion, I don't think that it was really needed, but if you want to keep it, go ahead! The prologue really hooked me in, seeing its very dark nature about Evil having a heart. :)

Cover 4/5:

I really like it! But some feedback is that you could add a tad bit more colour to give it a bit of pop and/or change that font and font size for "A Harry Potter Fanfiction" and "A story of love and war", as (at least on the desktop version), I cannot really read those particular sentences. I suggest going to some cover shops to get a custom one done (I'm not saying yours is bad!), but then again, their prices (like following, and voting and commenting on chapters etc.) can get very tedious and hard to follow up. Other than that, well done! :)

Title 5/5:

I mean, what can I say? I love the title!

Plot 23/25:

The plot starts very quickly, which I like, as in some stories, people get to the actual plot after quite some time. I like how you expressed Aria's hate for Silas, and her mothers' preference for Blaise. Since there are only a few chapters, I can't really judge the overall plot, but it is already quite engaging.

Character/Character development 20\20:

I am talking specifically for Aria. You have really explained her personality, and how she isn't very fond of her mum, and her attitude in the first chapter is sort of scary! :)

Description/Plot 4/5:

Extremely engaging! I would just mention something about Harry Potter, just to tell readers what the story is about :)

Basic Grammar 3.5/5:

Don't be sad about the score. I'm just saying that there were quite a lot of small grammar mistakes, like missing commas and names with no capital letters. I suggest you proof-read your work and/or install Grammarly or something like that. If English is not your first language, then that's a different case. :)

TOTAL: 93.5/100

Not bad! There are just a few little titbits here and there that need fixing. Other than that, great job!