Ohana Reviews

Review ~ International Penpals

International Penpals by LovelyJaz1

Reviewer: kailucy

So so sorry about the wait! Hope this is at least a little helpful. 

Title: 5/5

The title drew me in instantly. I was super excited to start reading this one finally. The title fits the story and the genre perfectly. It's catchy and easy to remember.

Cover: 4/5

The cover is amazing! The polaroids were a perfect touch and the color scheme is lovely. The fonts are great as well. The only issue is the author's name is very blurry, if it was a little bit bigger it'd make a lot of difference. Other than that the cover is great.

Blurb: 3/5

The blurb is alright but seems a bit wordy at times. Maybe try wording it something like, "Ophelia is 18 and lives in Albuquerque, New Mexico. When she joins the international website "Find a penpal" she only expected to find a friend. Little did she know that on the other side, she'd meet Alfonso, a sous chef from Venice, Italy.

They began to communicate frequently through letters, and video calls. As their feelings grew deeper Ophelia makes plans to visit him in person. What will happen when Ophelia saves enough money to travel to see Alfonso? Will there be a spark or some awkward tension between the two? Can Ophelia help him to recover from a past relationship breakup? Read to find out!"

Of course, it isn't perfect but a bit less wordy. And this is just an opinion feel free to ignore it. The blurb is fine how it is as it does get the main point across, it introduces the characters and main plot nicely, and it is mostly straight to the point. I love the little scene you have after the page break.

Plot: 17/20

The plot is fast-paced and stays interesting. I was hooked from the beginning. The flow is a bit too fast at times. While I do like the plot it just seems like there isn't much middle ground. Maybe spend a little more time developing the plot within the story. Like a subplot or something maybe it'd seem a little more even-paced at times to balance out the fast-paced parts.

Characters: 14/15

The characters are off to a great start. I like that you show a bit about them and I can't wait to learn more. They seem like they will have great development as the story progresses.

Writing style: 18/20

You have a remarkable writing style that really drew me in. The very first paragraph already set so much into place. It gave a basic description of the MC and it started the main plot with her finding the website "Find a pen pal." I feel it also gives some insight into the character and it set the scene, the first thing I thought was its early morning or late at night when this is playing out and then you go on the give that it's a 'typical early Saturday morning'

The only critiques I could give in this section are

1. You don't need to have all the dialogue in bold. The quotation marks are fine and make it obvious enough that a character is speaking.

2. Quite a few sentences began with "I" it just became clunky if that makes sense. Sometimes try to throw a little description or something in to help that. This isn't to say you can never use "I" just try not to use it more than 2-3 times in a row.

3. Maybe use some page breaks when you change POV. When I was reading occasionally it'd throw me off cause I wasn't expecting the POV to change. I think page breaks would help a lot. You could do something like *** or any sort of symbol. Or simply bold their names when it's their turn Alfonso (Alfonso speaks)

Other than what I mentioned you have a great writing style.

Grammar/Spelling/ Vocabulary: 19/20

I don't recall noticing any mistakes or at least they weren't major enough for me to make a note of. However, I did note that in chapter 2 it was mentioned that Alfonso was dating his ex for 4 years but in chapter 6 he says it was 2. I'm not sure if that was a mistake but I felt I should point it out in case.

Engagement: 9/10

I really enjoyed reading this and it kept me engaged throughout. I added it to my library for when you have time to update it. I'll probably end up going back to vote as well.

Overall: 89/100

Overall, you have a wonderful story. The characters are great, the plot is engaging and the writing style keeps it going. Just think about working on some of the things I mentioned to see if you think they'll work for where you're going with this story. Best of luck with your writing journey!