Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Repellant

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Repellent

Author: @emmemoore86

Title and Cover: The title is intriguing and suited for the premise of the story. The cover looks futuristic and professional. I love the font for the title and background image. Nice work here!

Blurb: The content provided in the blurb is concise and straightforward. I have a good understanding of what to expect from the story, without any spoilers. My only suggestion would be to move the section that begins with 'until I'm unwillingly..." up one line. Reason being, it connects to the emdash in the paragraph before, so it being on its own section looks like an error.

Plot Overview: The premise of the story is super unique. I love that you've created this new world with complexities. It's exciting to learn more about each planet and life on each one. And, the concept of Repellant is very neat. Nice job on the overall premise.

There are some aspects of the plot that felt a little hazy for me. Mainly, the time Jade spent as a hostage felt all too casual. She was given many freedoms to wander around, and she seemed too relaxed. For example, in chapter two it felt like she accepted the situation too quickly. It would have felt appropriate for her to have been more afraid or angry, or spent more time calculating her escape instead of rambling to Roman. Or in chapter three, it felt out of place for Jade to be complimenting Roman's face.

Even just offering a few lines of reflection could help with this. Maybe have her run through a few escape scenarios and why they wouldn't work–maybe she's decided her best bet would be to build relationships with Roman or Ethan so that they could help her out of the situation.

Another component that felt confusing was her boldness with Ethan. He seems to be dangerous–he drugged her and is holding her hostage. We've seen the way he's treated Roman and the foul language he uses. Also, we saw him force himself onto her. So, it feels strange that she's so bold to slap him or agree to watch a movie with him. She seems too casual/jokey with a man who holds her life in his hands. I think this relationship would make more sense if she had a deeper bond with him before the kidnapping. It was unclear if chapter one was her first date with him or if she had known him for a while. If she had known him on a personal level for more than one date, then it might make sense why she appears to be so comfortable challenging him.

Last note, be careful with your dialogue, and make sure you aren't using it as an opportunity to info dump. In chapter two, Ethan explained a lot about Roman's background and then Jade poured her whole life story to Roman. This was a lot of information to offer through dialogue, so make sure everything feels organic. It's okay to not offer every detail at first–offer readers enough to understand in the moment, and allow them to learn more details throughout the story.

Overall, I enjoyed the first five chapters, but just make sure every action makes sense for the characters/scenario. At times, the characters felt too relaxed given the situation.

Pacing: The pacing felt a little quick in the beginning. Since readers are dropped into a brand new world, it could have been beneficial to spend a bit more time world building/setting up the story. The action picked up very quickly, and so, it was a bit hectic trying to catch up and make sense of everything.

However, I'm also guilty in my own writing of wanting to jump straight into the action, so I understand the appeal. Just make sure your main character is developed and the world is established before you turn everything upside down. Maybe even just a few paragraphs of Jade before her date to understand what her old life was like could be helpful.

Style and Flow: I really enjoy your writing style. There are times where you use description to really elevate a scene. For instance, in chapter one, the way you described Ethan's looks both described his appearance and let us know what Jade thought of him–calling his eyes cold, steely or his nose too pointy, his skin too pasty. But when her opinion changed, so did his appearance.

Every scene flowed nicely from one scene to the next and I enjoyed reading.

Characters: Jade is a fun main character. The main quality that overshines everything is her empathy towards others. We first see it with Vi, and the way Ethan's treatment of Vi upset her. It remains consistent as she tries to help Roman, even though Ethan warns her he's a bad person.

The only thing about Jade that felt inconsistent was that, in our first introduction to Jade, she was a bit reserved. It was understood later that this was because Ethan had upset her, but first impressions are hard to shake. So later, when Jade started rambling to Roman about her entire life, the bubbly personality felt jarring. I would make sure the first impression you're offering readers appropriately conveys the main character's personality.

Ethan is consistently awful throughout. He's bold, arrogant and brash. Through his dialogue and his actions this is appropriately conveyed. And Roman is my favorite character so far. It's clear he's been through some things, and his condition is very intriguing. I can't wait to learn more about him and see how Jade might be able to help him out–their dynamic is exciting.

Grammar/Spelling: I honestly didn't notice any errors while reading. The story was clean and well-written. Nice work, here!

Final thoughts: The premise is fresh and exciting. There is action, a bit of mystery, and romance. It's a fast-paced story with a complex new world, and you've done a nice job setting things up. I'm most intrigued by Roman and Jade's dynamic and am very curious how things will play out for them. Right now, it looks grim, but I'm rooting for them! My main advice would be to make sure every character is acting appropriately for the situation, and offer a bit more reflection to help readers understand our main character's mindset. Overall, nice writing and I hope you keep at it! (: