Ohana Reviews

Review- The Boy next door

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- The Boy next door
Author- Chiuuuuuu

Blurb:

Interesting blurb. There would be many adjustments for the main lead, which would be fun to read. Also, I think this would be a story of character development.

The para from- New school, new friends....until- occupy more of her mind than...

The above para is good, but I believe that it can be tweaked a bit to have more impact.

I found the last para (before the excerpt from the story) really amazing. It had a nice hook. I would suggest ending the blurb there itself (just my opinion).

Moving towards the chapters,

A dramatic start and it really suits the main lead if I go by the blurb.

Detention Center? I thought it was a normal boarding school. Ah, nevermind, understood later.

Turning heads at his mention and exploiting workers since 1997. This line👏🏻👏🏻- just hilarious.

The conversation with her uncle was fun to read, especially his remarks. I wonder what he did to end up there.

Asking an officer for a ride, this really shows her privilege. It didn't even look awkward. It reads like an everyday thing and this perfectly showcases the fact that she was a daughter of wealthy and powerful parents.

First chapter was great. It flowed smoothly and was fun to read.

A bee sabotaging her routine. Her reactions are just precious. I love her monologue.

Damn! Speaking about the donations her family gives to another student. Can the staff in school actually do that?

Rumors can be really annoying. I laughed at her internal reaction to her sister's rumor.

Jenna's concern for her was kinda heartwarming and it was cute when the concern always ended up with Kiara eating her food.

Going on a subway must be scary for her. I am shocked that she even agreed.

Noah was cute when he was pouting because  of the closed restaurant.

It can be really hard to ward off strangers who come looking for donations.

We were able to catch the excitement to see the guitar playing, without much description. Great job done there.

Cole seems to be there for her without saying much. I loved their almost silent interactions.

Cole knows Jenna. Whoa! I was expecting it. Nice cliffhanger to end the chapter.

I hated being dramatic. My brain liked to be dramatic- awesome & hilarious dialogue.

A walking legend for making her own coffee and getting ready in 17 minutes😂😂. This girl is surely making my day.

Out of the entire hate post, only Kiara would think to focus on that😂😂. Her reactions can never get old.

Mason? Who is he? I don't remember him being mentioned before.

Her feeling scared and lost is described really well. It is already hard to find another route to home when you are new, on top of that she has never done it before. It might not be much for regular people, but a real scary moment for her.

Handling a gun to a stranger. That's...
I hope Kiara doesn't get in trouble for having a gun with her.

Damn! Dylan is in her school too. He seems kind but then he fights in that alley and has a gun in his procession. Kiara didn't even question it. Is that a normal thing there?

Sleeping in all classes, way to go Kiara.

****

Characterization is done brilliantly. Their personalities show through very well without being spelled out. Kiara's reactions are hilarious and I would love to see her more.

World building might need some work. A little more description and some more information about her surroundings can be given.

Concept is interesting, and the main lead is amazing too. However, the plot doesn't really seem to move. It seems to move at a slow pace. There seems to be many filler parts which won't change the story if removed. Despite that, the chapters are fun to read.

Writing style is good. Chapters are easy to read and move like a breeze. A little more information about what happened in the past, the contact/fight with her parents, her uncle some more moments with Jenna would be amazing to read.

Grammar:

★There are Typos here and there. Make sure to weed them out while editing.

★Missing punctuations at a few places.

★Full stops used instead of commas in some places, and extra full stops in between the sentences when they are not at all needed.

★Starting letters of a new dialogue should be capitalized.

Fortunately, none of these errors are causing a break to the flow of the story. All these can be easily weeded out while editing.

Suggestion:

★The paragraphs are too short and have the capability to be combined without losing the meaning.

★ keep the number of periods(....) the same. Sometimes it is 5 and sometimes 2.

Last words,
Entertaining story to say the least. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about the main lead. Characters are well settled but the storyline can be worked upon a bit.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!