Ohana Reviews

𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰: 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐬

𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐫: imogenogucci01
𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: Lovenemies
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫: zeyyy2132   

Title: 5/10
It is not very inventive, I suggest you try something more interesting, the current title seems like one of a teen fiction as opposed to that of a Young Adult book.

Cover: 6/10
It isn't very eye-catching, I thought it was a teen fiction when I first saw it. I still suggest visiting a graphic shop, get a cover with people on it, it will make the book fit more into its genre.

Description: 4/5
Separate the paragraphs, it is really hard to read.

Grammer, spelling or vocabulary: 2/10
You need to edit your work or get a third party to do it for you, there are a lot of Grammer mistakes.

Pacing: 4/10
I dislike how Rin was introduced, the first chapter is usually the one that tells how good your book is, that is why you find the first chapter having so many reads why the rest of them barely have any, I suggest you redo your first chapter but this time make it more calm and easy going at the beginning and include the rest of that at the end of the chapter.

Plot: 8/10
You have a really solid plot but your execution is lacking, to fix this you may need to add a bit of exposition to your work, give us more detail.

Character development: 4/10
Your characters are all over the place. At the beginning you want Rin to seem like a cold character that doesn't warm up to people easily but by the second chapter she is already giggling with Hazel, absolutely not. I want you to drag it on make it known that Rin is uncomfortable around Hazel then slowly, bit by bit, add details that let us know that Rin is warming up to Hazel. It could be that she suddenly doesn't mind sitting next to Hazel or doesn't scolds her when she burns her mouth sipping on hot coffee. You need to add stuff that will make readers ship them together

Writing style: 5/10
I know you are a new writer and you are probably posting your raw first drafts but you are doing a lot better than I was when I first started out.

Tension: 2/10
There was non of it until the end of chapter 4 I think. If you drag out the 'warm-up period' between Hazel and Rin, you will increase tension.

Reader engagement: 4/10
There were too many mistakes with Grammer and spelling that I couldn't focus when I was reading. Also some paragraphs -I am referring to the first paragraph of chapter 2- were soo confusing. I suggest getting an editor or a beta reader.

𝐓𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥: 𝟏𝟎𝟎/𝟏𝟎𝟎