Ohana Reviews

Review ❀ Her Cousin

Reviewer: @mmjayoh

Book: Her Cousin

Author: @_lapisqueen_

Title and Cover: The title is short and concise. For a historical fiction book it could be suited to the genre as well. For the cover: I quite like the image chosen. It does appear to be historical, and it could be quite interesting on its own. I don't think the flowers are necessary, as they distract from the image. I would suggest spicing it up through font choices instead. By placing the title in large, interesting font, I think it would help fill the space without the need for the flowers!

Blurb: The blurb is short and concise, which is a good thing for a blurb. However, it is a bit vague, and after reading the first three chapters, it doesn't really match what I had read.

For example, the blurb states Katherine has just arrived at the court–but that didn't happen for a few chapters. Also, as I'm not familiar with this group of people, it would be nice to have a bit more clarification. For instance, maybe introduce Katherine as the cousin of the former Queen of England–this would also help tie in the title.

Overall, I would just suggest re-wording some of your sentences to make it a bit more intriguing and better represent the story so far!

Plot Overview: The premise of the story is Katherine arriving at court, and it took a while to get to this point. It can be difficult to figure out where to start the story, especially when there's backstory you want to convey, so I get why there was some build-up to the main plot point.

It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, and I didn't find any of it boring, but I would recommend seeking out resources online about 'story structure,' as this could help you plot out the rest of the story moving forward.

Another thing in reference to the plot, the first chapter was heavily focused on Katherine's inappropriate relationship with Henry Mannox. I appreciated how you kept this vague, until this last scene, as I'd be very careful with writing such topics. Wattpad has strict guidelines on anything involving minors and adults in this manner–I'm unsure what leeway is provided when referencing historical incidents, but I would recommend checking out their guidelines, and at the very least marking your story as 'mature.'

And I would keep this in mind when moving forward, as I'm not sure what the age gap will be with her and the King–or what ensues there, as I'm unfamiliar with this moment in history.

Otherwise, the story was enjoyable to read, and I think I left off right when the story was about to really pick up.

Pacing: Individually, the scenes were well-paced. In fact, things were quite brief and moved quickly from one thing to the next. But overall, again, it took a while to get to the main premise promised in the blurb, so I found myself wondering when the story was really going to start, if that makes sense.

I'd be interested in how things will be paced from this point forward, as we're now moving into the meat of the story. Again, if you look into story structure and follow an established format, the story should move at an appropriate pace. Just something to keep in mind while you write!

Style and Flow: I actually really liked the style of the book. It's formatted a bit like a journal, where we get little glimpses into moments of Kitty's life. And by being in first person POV, we got to experience everything through her young eyes. I appreciated how you captured the thought process of a young girl. It felt honest–like she wasn't using too mature of terms.

And, the story did flow nicely. Even with the short, brief journal-like entries, it didn't feel disjointed or choppy. So, good work here!

Also, you're a wonderful writer–the descriptions of outfits or scenery were wonderfully described. And you used appropriate wording for the time period, it felt like we were back in time.

Characters: Again, you wrote Kitty in a way where it was so apparent she was a young kid, which was a lot of fun. It's nice that she doesn't use any wording that would feel out of her range. And by showing her rocky upbringing, I think it will really make her character arc interesting.

I'm intrigued and wonder how her past traumas will affect her decisions moving forward.

Grammar/Spelling: The story is well-written. I didn't really notice any typos. The main grammatical error I noticed throughout, was that you had used 'single quotations' marks for all of your dialogue. Typically, you would use "double quotations."

One other minor thing, watch your tense usage. The entire story is written in present tense, so make sure all of your sentences follow the same format. For instance, in the introductory paragraph in chapter one, you wrote: Agnes stumbles and crashed into me.

'Crashed' suggests past tense, so it should be changed to 'crashes' to keep everything in present tense.

Final thoughts: Overall, it seems you're well-versed on these characters and this time period. It was an entertaining read, and I enjoyed the way you decided to tell this story. Your descriptions were lovely and I'm already a fan of Kitty! I only wish there was more plot for me to delve into. But, great work and keep going! (: