Ohana Reviews

Review- The Crooked Heavens

Reviewer- kinalhariya
Book- The Crooked Heavens
Author- Aphusx

Blurb:
The concept of the story through the blurb looks interesting. The apocalypse, mutations, and a queen who hated the life of love and palace; the contents seem like they would make a great story together. However, some sentences need to be properly framed. The tenses also keep fluctuating within the sentence, causing it to sound weird. Overall, the blurb is nicely drafted. It is interesting as well as intriguing.

Prologue:

The prologue seems interesting. World building has started with the prologue itself. The change in ages of people and the way the world works, it sounds amazing. The new world is interesting to read, along with the main lead. Characterization is done really well that I got connected with the character in the prologue itself.

I would suggest alternating between the use of she and the character's name so that it doesn't feel repetitive.

A little work can be done on the starting paragraph. As the dialogue is said by her mother, but the action of biting her lips is done by her, a change in sentence would be better. A comma after that dialogue indicates that it was an action done by her mother and not her.

I liked the sentence about her not being able to figure out her inability to breathe....but the sentence seems incomplete. The sentence seems like the 'either-or' style.

→She couldn't figure out if her inability to breathe was because of the corset...Or? There has to be an 'Or' along with something else to compare for the sentence to sound complete.

Apart from these minor obstacles, the prologue was well-written. It was informative and intriguing. It ended beautifully too. The sigh she let out was heartfelt. A simple sentence but filled with so much hope and despair for the current world.

Moving towards the chapters,

My respect grew for Cassandra's character. Despite liking him, she didn't want to ruin his lover's life.

The bond between siblings was nicely portrayed.

The chapter flows smoothly.

Kaydn's emotions are so well showcased. He tries to make Cassandra comfortable. Although he doesn't love her, he still seems like a gentleman, apart from his obvious cheating. The dilemma he faces is shown nicely. He is morally a grey character right now.

Cassandra acts like nothing is wrong but cries at night when she is alone. My heart breaks for the character, along with feeling awe by her strength.

Rylla definitely seems up to something. She will definitely be making her comeback with something worse.

Kaydn's sister is surely planning something malicious. I am on the edge to see what will happen and how Cassandra will deal with it.

I don't know how to feel about the sudden change in Kaydn, knowing it is all because his father is dying. This will break Cassandra more than his ignorance ever did.

****
Characterization is done brilliantly. Whether it is a broken heart, a dilemma or maliciousness; everything gets conveyed very well. All the characters make us feel something. Great work done.

Descriptions of surroundings are minimal, but they aren't limiting the understanding of the story, so it's okay.

Some of the dialogue tags don't suit the dialogues. Other than that, the conversations are brilliant, they always leave a mark.

Concept is interesting and there are also some unique factors to the story. Plot moves ahead beautifully, engaging the readers thoroughly in the lives of the characters.

Writing style is more or less good, but it does have the potential to improve. Storyline, characters, emotions, everything is already beautiful. A bit more work in sentence formation would make the story much more lively.

Suggestion:

1)Instead of an author's note, you can just write 2 years ago in bold letters, so that readers could notice. Just informing, because I am one of those readers who skip author's notes 90% of the time.

2) Highlight the '3 months later' part in the second chapter.

Grammar:
Minor punctuation errors.

Minor Fluctuation of tenses.

When another sentence starts after a question mark, the first letter needs to be capitalized just like other sentences.

Some sentence formations feel weird. The meaning is clear, so it isn't a huge problem.

Apart from this, the story was well-written.

Last words,

I enjoyed reading this story. Chapters flowed smoothly like butter. It was so engrossing that I kept on reading it. Loved the main lead- Cassandra. Story is well-written for the most part. A tiny bit of editing is required, but it is really good for a first draft.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!