TMNT Husband Scenarios

When you give the kids the talk >.<

Leonardo:

"You tell her!" I argue.

"Why not you?" Y/n replies.

"Because... I'm a guy! ...and a turtle!" I say dramatically. "You know this stuff better than I do!"

Y/n rolls her eyes. "Fine."

She knocks on Lily's door. "Come in!" Lily says cheerfully.

Y/n cautiously enters our daughters room, and I listen from the outside. Oh the perks of having thin walls!

"Hi mom." Lily says.

"Hi sweetie." Y/n replies. "There's something I want to talk to you about..."

"Go on." Lily says.

"You're 13 now, and you're growing up. So, your father and I thought it was time..."

"...for what?" Lily asks nervously.

"For... The talk."

"The what?"

"The talk."

"Talk about... What?"

There's an awkward pause for a moment. "...Reproduction."

"Oh, mom, gross!" Lily says, clearly disgusted. "So uncalled for!"

"No no no no..." Y/n replies. "See, there's this thing—"

"No! No!" Lily interrupts.

"...Called intercourse—"

"La la la la la..."

"...And it's basically where—"

"I'M NOT LISTENING!!!"

"Fine!" Y/n finally says, surrendering. "Just read this, it'll explain everything."

I hear something land on the floor, assuming it's a pamphlet or something like that. I hear the handle squeak, and I stand in a regular position so it doesn't look like I was eavesdropping.

"So, how'd it go?" I ask as Y/n enters the hallway.

"Fantastic!" Y/n replies, obviously lying. "I think she's taking it well."

We're interrupted by a sudden: EWWWWWWWW! Coming from Lily's room.

"...or maybe not."

Raphael:

"Okay, you take Taya and I'll take Skye." Y/n says. I nod as she knocks on the door. She opens it ever so slightly to see the twins on the floor, Taya reading a magazine and Skye painting her toenails red.

"Hi mom, hi dad." They say together.

"Hi darlings," Y/n replies. She sits on Skye's bed while I sit on Taya's. "There's something we've been meaning to tell you."

"We're moving?" Skye asks hopefully.

"No!" I reply sharply.

"It's... A bit more personal..." Y/n says softly. "You're both 13 now, and we decided it was time for the talk."

"The talk?" Taya echoes. "What's that?" She turns to Skye. Skye shrugs

Y/n signals at me to continue on with the speech. "Umm... Y-you see... When two people are very much in love... Th-they decide that they might want to... You know..." I look at her for support. She just rolls her eyes.

"...Make a baby." Y/n finishes. Skye and Taya both flinch. "So, basically what it is..."

"No, mom, stop!" Skye interrupts. "This had better not be the talk I'm thinking of..."

"Let your mother finish." I hiss.

"Basically what it is, is when a man gets his uh..."

"Lincoln Log?" I say, offering a euphemism.

"Thanks. It's when a man gets his Lincoln log, and he puts it—"

"GROSS!!!!" Taya squeaks.

"TMI OVERLOAD!" Skye adds.

Y/n rolls her eyes. "Just read this!" She throws a booklet on the floor labelled Sex and stuff.

As we're on our way out I hear the twins opening the booklet. "Moving would have been better." Skye mumbles.

Her and I both exit the room, and Y/n closes the door behind her.

"That went well." I say.

Donatello:

I knock on the door of Jordan's room. "Come in!" I hear him say.

Nervously, I sit on his bed. He's sitting at his desk, working on some homework. "H-hey Jordan." I squeak.

"Oh, hey dad." Jordan says, spinning around. "What's up."

I try and man up. "Jordan, we need to have a man-to-man chat."

"Right, okay..."

"You're getting older now, and your mother and I have decided it's time..."

"For what?"

"For... The talk."

He rests his elbows on his knees. "Okay. Go ahead."

I'm surprised. I didn't realise he would take this so well. I start explaining the process to him, and halfway through he stops me.

"Woah, woah, woah." He says. "Is this the sex talk?" I nod. "Oh." He says.

"What?" I ask.

"I already know all this." He replies.

I'm astonished. "How?! If I find that you've been watching unsavoury material online—"

"For crying out loud dad!" He interrupts. "Do you really think I would stoop that low? No, I learnt about it at school. During biology."

My anger suddenly melts away. "Oh. Well that's alright then."

I stand up and walk towards the door. With every step I take, I feel my astonishment rising. Then again, he is my son.

Michaelangelo:

Y/n and I take a seat in the lounge room, right across from Matt. Y/n is cradling baby Fiona in her arms.

I take a deep breath. "Matty," I begin. "We think it's time we gave you the talk."

"We talk all the time, dad." Matt replies innocently.

"This is a different talk, dear." Y/n adds.

"What are we talking about?" He asks.

I twiddle my thumbs for a moment. "You know how recently Fiona was born?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we're going to explain to you how she was created."

"What?"

I take a deep breath. "Well, it all started when your mother and I were in the garden centre about 9 months ago. We were looking at cabbages in the cabbage patch, and..."

Y/n clears her throat. "That's NOT how it happens." She says sternly. She looks Matt in the eyes. "Sweetheart, this might come as a shock to you. What happens is..." As she explains, I slowly see the innocence being drained from my sons body. It kills me inside to be doing this to him, but he'll end up believing he was dropped by a stork if we don't tell him the truth.

When it's all over, Y/n takes a deep breath. I watch as Matt's eyes flicker between me, Y/n and Fiona. "You alright, Matt?" I ask.

"Do you have any questions?" Y/n asks sensitively.

"Yeah," Matt asks. "Can I get a girl pregnant by touching her like that too?"

Y/n rolls her eyes. "No, sweetie. It's more complicated than that."

I giggle. He hasn't lost ALL his innocence.

Well, not yet anyway.