Science and faith

~Chapter 118~

Amy's pov:

I'd just finished my shoot and was changing into my normal clothes again. I was about to put my jeans back on when I noticed a red stain in my underwear. Sighing to myself, I quickly pulled my jeans on before rummaging through my bag until I found a tampon. I made my way to the toilet where I pulled both my jeans and knickers down again.

I was just about to take the tampon out of its wrapping when I realized I shouldn't get my period. Cause I'm pregnant. Or was...? I dropped the tampon and took another look at my knickers, but there was no other place where the blood had came from. I sat down on the toilet seat and stared at the red stain in my underwear.

I sat there for a few minutes before I took a deep breath and stood up again. I pulled my underwear and jeans back on and quickly left the bathroom. I collected all my things and left, saying a quick goodbye to everybody. Once I sat in my car I was contemplating whether I should go and see a doctor or go home. It was now 4.15 PM and I told the babysitter that I wouldn't be later than 4.30 PM, which means I can't go to the hospital now if I want to get home on time. I started the engine and decided to go home, so I would be on time as promised.

I closed the front door after our babysitter and walked to the kitchen where I sat down at the table, my head in my hands. I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found Dan. I considered calling him but decided against it, since he's with the lads recording in LA there's nothing he can do, I'd only worry him, which is something I don't want to do. And he'll come home tomorrow night, so I don't want to ruin his last day.

I'd been sitting on the couch with Ava for a while, watching a film until I decided to start making dinner. I was halfway through when I felt weird pains in my stomach. I grabbed my phone and texted Jess, asking if she could look after Ava and Liz tonight. A few seconds later she replied saying that she would be here in an hour.

While we were eating dinner I was only paying half attention to Ava's stories cause I was going through all the scenarios in my head.

I was loading the dishwasher when I heard the front door open and a few seconds later Jess walked into the kitchen.

"Hey." I said looking up.

"Hey." She replied, giving me a quick hug.

"Thanks for looking after them tonight." I said while sitting down on the couch to put my shoes on.

"Anytime. Is everything alright?" She asked, obviously noticing that something was off.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I replied quickly, standing up.

"I won't be long." I said before she could say anything else and grabbed my keys before leaving the house.

My heart was beating so fast I was scared I was going to have a heart attack, but I told myself to stay calm and focus on the road to provide any accidents.

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, I arrived at the hospital. I got out of the car and walked towards the entrance, my legs felt like they could give away any second.

After sitting in the waiting room for a few minutes, I was called by a nurse. She smiled reassuringly at me, and I faked a smile as well even though I was falling apart on the inside.

A few moments later, my fear became reality. The midwife couldn't find a heartbeat. She hadn't said anything yet, she just smiled at me and told me she was going to get some help, but it was enough information for me. The second midwife couldn't find anything either and they told me the heartbreaking news I had already feared. I'd lost our baby.

"I'm very sorry." One of them said while I couldn't stop the tears anymore.

After composing myself I left the hospital and made my way to my car. I drove to a deserted parking lot where I stopped my car and let the tears fall free. I was crying so hard I couldn't see anything anymore and I could barely breath.

An hour and a half later, I slowly started driving back home. I hoped it wouldn't be too obvious that I had been crying, but when I looked at myself in the rearview mirror I realized there was no way Jess wouldn't see that I had been crying.

Once I arrived at home I took a few deep breaths before I got out of the car and walked into the house. Jess came just walking down the stairs.

"I just brought Ava to be- What happened?" She cut herself off when she saw my tear stained face.

"I-i... I lost the baby." I chocked out before erupting in tears again.

"Oh babe." Jess whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"It's not your fault." She whispered, rubbing her hand in circles over my back. I couldn't stop crying anymore, even though I already kinda knew it the moment I saw the red stain in my underwear, when the midwife told me I'd lost the baby it hit me like a ton of bricks. Jess guided me into the living room where she sat me down on the couch. She sat down next to me and pulled me into her, letting me cry on her shoulder.

I'd spent the rest of the night lying against Jess' shoulder until it was getting 3AM and Jess told me she really had to go now cause she had to get up early for work. I nodded in understanding and walked with her to the front door where she gave me one last big hug before she left. I made my way upstairs and lay down in bed. But I couldn't sleep.

I lay awake for hours replaying the moment I'd been lying in bed with Dan after I'd told him that I was pregnant again, and he said that he'd love to have a mini-him. Now I'll have to tell him that I lost our baby.

I rolled over onto Dan's side of the bed and buried my face in his pillow, breathing in the faint scent of him that still lingered on the pillow. I always look forward to Dan coming home, but this is the first time I'm dreading it.