Science and faith

~Chapter 119~

Danny's pov:

It was a little after 9PM when the plane touched down. The lads and I collected our hand luggage before getting out of the plane and making our way to the bagage claim. After a long wait we finally had all our suitcases. We made our way to the exit where we said goodbye to each other before all getting in separate cabs.

I put my seatbelt on and told the driver my address, looking forward to getting home to my girls. I took my phone out of my pocket and sent Am a text saying that I was on my way home and that I looked forward to seeing her and having her in my arms again. 

Once I arrived home I paid the driver before I got out and lifted my suitcase out of the boot of the car. I fished my keys out of the pocket of my jacket and let myself in. I left my suitcase and made my way to the living room, but when I walked in all the lights were turned off. I guessed that Am had already gone to bed so I was about to turn around and go upstairs when I realized that Am was sitting on the couch, in the dark. 

"Hey babe." I said, a little confused as to why she was sitting in complete darkness staring at a black TV screen. 

"Hey." She said slowly turning in my direction. 

"Are you OK?" I asked when I caught sight of her. Her eyes were swollen and puffy, big bags underneath them and her face was pale. 

"I-i have to tell you something..." She whispered, looking down at the floor. 

"What's going on?" I asked cautiously, worry rising in the pit of my stomach. 

"I lost our baby..." She whispered, avoiding eye contact. It took me a few seconds to realize what she'd just said, while she stayed staring down at the floor. 

"When?" I asked, my voice sounding shaky.

"Yesterday." She replied, her eyes finally meeting mine, they were glistening with tears. 

"And you didn't think of letting me know?" I asked offended.

"I thought I should tell you in person." She whispered in reply. 

"For fuck's sake! You lost our baby and you didn't even tell me?!" I said, my voice raising at the end. 

"I'm so sorry I-"

"Save it." I cut her off. I turned around and walked out of the living room towards the front door.

"Danny please..." She called after me but I ignored her. I heard her footsteps behind me before she took hold of my wrist. I tugged my wrist free from her grasp and walked out of the front door without looking back. 

I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going, but I ended up in the park sitting on a bench. There was nobody else here since it was midnight which gave me some time to think. It was now that I really realized that we weren't going to have another child and tears began to run down my cheeks. I felt even worse when I thought of how I just left Am. She's just as heartbroken as I am. And of course she wanted to tell me in person she'd lost our baby, it would've ruined me if she told me over the phone or sent me a text.

I roughly wiped the tears from my cheeks but they were quickly replaced by new ones. A few moments later it started raining, beginning with a few drops but after a few moments it was pouring down, the rain mixing with the tears on my face. But I remained sitting on the bench, letting the rain fall down on me and soak me to the skin. 

I sat there for a long time until I stood up and continued walking. Somehow, I ended up in a bar with a glass filled with Whiskey in front of me. I stared at the liquid in my glass, not really in the mood to get wasted.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard a female voice ask, bringing me back to reality.

"It's not, actually..." I replied when I looked up at her. She was wearing a black tight fitting dress, and had dark wavy hair which came to her breasts.

"So you're drinking alone then?" She asked, sitting down on the stool next to me.

"Not anymore." I said before ordering her a drink. 

"No?" She asked smiling, rising one eyebrow.

"No." I told her, while the bartender put her drink down in front of her. 

"You know, I'm not really the type to let random men buy me drinks." The said even though she picked up her glass and took a sip.

"But I'm not just some random man." I replied. 

"Well what are you then?" She asked smirking.

"I'm Danny." I replied simply.

"I'm Diane." She said flashing me a quick smile. 

I spent several hours talking with Diane, I didn't tell her much about me other than my name really, and she didn't ask anything which I appreciated. But in return, she didn't tell me anything about her either, but I quite liked the mystery.

"I've got to go." She told me standing up.

"It was nice meeting you." She said and kissed me on my cheek before she walked away. Just as she walked out of the bar I realized she'd left her phone. I grabbed it and quickly ran after her.

"Diane!" I called after her when I was outside. She stopped and turned in my direction while I walked towards her.

"You forgot your phone." I told her, handing it to her.

"Thanks." She replied, looking up at me. Our eyes locked together and we stared at each other, none of us saying a thing. 

Suddenly, I had her body pressed up against the brick wall with my own and my hands where tangled in her hair. I leaned in to kiss her when Am suddenly crossed my mind. I stopped, my lips a few inches apart from hers.

"I'm sorry, I can't..." I said pulling away when she opened her eyes. 

Before she could reply I turned around and walked away, wanting to get home as quick as possible. I was incredibly grateful that I was still pretty sober, cause I don't know if I'd stopped myself from kissing Diane if I was drunk. 

As soon as I came home I walked to the living room to see if Am was still there, but she wasn't. I ran upstairs to our bedroom where I found her, curled up on her side facing away from me. 

"I'm so sorry." I whispered, making my way to the bed. I turned the light on my bedside table on and stripped myself from my still wet clothes before I crawled over to Am and enveloped her in my arms. She tried to fight it at first but I pulled her even tighter to my chest. After a few moments I felt her body relax against mine. 

"I'm so, so sorry." I whispered into her hair. 

"Of course you wanted to tell me in person." I continued when she didn't say anything.

"I shouldn't have left, I just lost it for a second and..." I trailed off not knowing what to say.

I felt Am's hot tears on my bare skin and I felt my own eyes fill with tears as well. 

"I'm sorry too, I lost our baby." She choked out.

"It's not your fault." I replied while I felt my tears spill over and run down my cheeks. She obviously noticed this and wrapped her own arms around me, hugging me closely. We sat in silence for a while until I lay down, taking Am with me. She was lying with her head on my chest while I held her close to me, my arms wrapped tightly around her. 

"I love you." She whispered softly after a while.

"I love you too, and we'll make it through this, together."