Science and faith

~Chapter 122~

Amy's pov:

I woke up a little confused as to where I was. But after a few seconds I realized that  I was just lying in my own bed. I grabbed my phone from the bedside table and saw that it was just 4AM. I had to get up at 4.30 AM so I still had half an hour to relax.

I turned back around so I was facing Dan and lay staring at him for a while. He was lying on his side, facing my way. His hair was sticking out in every direction and partly falling over his forehead, his mouth was slightly open and his eyes tightly shut. I reached over and stroked my hand softly through his hair. His breathing picked up a little bit before going back to normal. I ran my hand over the side of his face, over his stubble -since he hadn't shaved in the last few days.

I was interrupted by my phone ringing loudly on my bedside table. I quickly answered the call and walked out of the bedroom into the bathroom so I wouldn't wake Dan.

It was my manager telling me today's shoot has been canceled due to the photographer being ill. I thanked him for calling me before I hung up and made my way back to the bedroom.

I crawled back into bed and cuddled close to Dan. I thought he was still asleep until I heard him mumbling in his low morning voice,

"Everything OK?"

"Yeah, today's shoot is canceled." I replied, looking up at him to find him looking down at me through his half open eyes.

"Does that mean you have the day off?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me to pull me closer to him.

"I guess so."

He replied with pressing a kiss on the top of my head, making me smile. We lay in silence for a while until I turned on my side to look at him. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling, deep in thoughts.

"What's on your mind?" I asked, even though I think I already knew what he was thinking about.

"Nothing." He said before completely backtracking his answer by saying,

"Everything."

I stayed silent, knowing he'd explain himself without me having to ask.

"It's just... It hurts so much more than I thought it would..." He said, confirming my assumption that he was thinking about our baby.

"Like, we hadn't even met him or had our first scan, it was only a few weeks old..." He continued.

"Him?" I whispered when I realized what he'd just said.

"I'm sorry... I felt like it would have been a boy." He said tearing his gaze away from the ceiling to look at me.

When our eyes met and I saw the sad look upon his face, my already broken heart broke into even more pieces. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but I didn't know how. Cause I was feeling the same way and didn't know how to comfort myself either.

"I loved him already..." He whispered, his voice cracking.

His eyes filled with tears and I didn't even realize I was crying as well until Dan gently wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

"I'm so sorry... I should've been more careful or-" I said, not being able to finish my sentence because of the tears.

"It's not your fault." He said, hugging me close to him.

"I missed you." I whispered, hoping he wouldn't think I was crazy for saying this since we've both just spent the week working like we've done so many times before.

"I missed you too." He replied, taking my hand and intertwining our fingers.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you... I knew how much you wanted a third child..."

"I wasn't there for you either. We were both too caught up in work that we forgot to talk to each other." He said, wiping my cheeks dry from the tears.

"I'm glad we're talking now."

"Me too." He replied, kissing me softly on my cheek.

"It will make us stronger." I said more to myself than to Dan. And because that's what Jess said to me, we'll have to get through this together and we'll come out stronger. I hope she's right.

"If it's hurting right now, it's going to make us who we are." He replied, amazing me with his beautiful way of words.

"It will be written in the scars of our hearts." He added.

I nodded in reply before pressing my lips to his. He responded immediately and soon enough our lips were in sync. We were both putting our grief but also our love for each other into the kiss, making it one of the most heartfelt kisses I've ever had.

Eventually, we pulled away. I propped myself up on my elbow and leaned over him, looking down at him.

"Every day every hour turn the pain into power." I said.

"Exactly." He replied with a small smile, which made me smile as well.

"I'm glad to see you smiling." I said, tracing the outline of his lips -which were still curled into a small smile- with my index finger.

He reached for my hand with his own and grabbed my wrist. He brought my hand to his mouth and pressed soft kisses on my hand, causing me to smile.

"I'm glad to see you smiling as well." He said before leaning up to press his lips against mine once again.

"Promise me one thing." I said when we pulled away.

"And that is?"

"Talk to me about it."

"Only if you do too."

"I promise."

"Then I do too."