Science and faith

~Chapter 133~

Danny's pov:

Mark left my hotel room, but not after making sure he'd lectured me about how stupid I'd been and how badly I fucked up. Thing is, I agreed. I shouldn't have gotten involved with Katy in the first place and even when I did I shouldn't have let it come this far. 

Once Mark realized that I knew how stupid I'd been he told me that I better try fucking hard to make it up to Am. I just nodded in reply, letting him rant until he eventually left. 

I ran my hands over my face in frustration before I lifted my suitcase on the bed to start packing, since we're leaving tomorrow morning. I gathered all my clothes that I'd strewn across the room and stuffed them in my suitcase. Not bothering to fold them before zipping my suitcase shut again.

I really wanted to call Am just to hear her voice. But I decided against it since she'd probably asleep and she needs her sleep. And now is probably not the right timing to tell her how I just fucked up when I told her I'd fight for us just before I left. 

Then again, I'll probably I have to tell her at some point. And I don't think it will be appreciated when I'd tell her a long time later. Or don't tell her at all.

I put my phone back in my pocket and decided to go downstairs to the hotel bar to see if someone was there. 

When I walked in I found Glen sitting at the bar drinking a coke. 

"Hey." I said to him before ordering a coke for myself as well, not in the mood to get drunk.

"Hey." He replied looking up at me when he heard me.

"Are you alright?" He asked worried when he saw the expression on my face.

"Not really." I replied shrugging.

Glen just raised his eyebrow in reply, waiting for me to go on.

"I fucked up really, really bad." I stared, sipping the coke that was placed in front of me.

"What'd you do?" He asked, focussing his full attention on me.

"Remember that interview with Katy?" I asked, causing him to nod in reply.

"Well I went for a coffee with her afterwards, which led to having dinner together and me walking her home and kissing her accidentally. Then we saw each other several more times, but then she called when we were back home but I didn't pick up cause I was asleep so she sent inappropriate texts which Am saw so the confronted me and I told her. Then I promised Am I'd fight for us so when we came here I asked Katy to come over to tell her we had to stop but it didn't go quite as planned cause when she took her coat off she was wearing nothing but lingerie and we were about to have sex when Mark interrupted us." I ranted.

"Fuck." Was Glen's only reply once I was done.

"Yeah I know."

"But how come Katy didn't know you're married?" He asked.

"She barely knew The Script and I took my wedding ring off and never told her..."

"That's fucking horrible."

"As if I don't know already." I snapped.

"I'm sorry." I added quickly. Glen just nodded in reply, letting me know that it was alright.

We spent a few hours longer at the hotel bar until we decided to go up to our rooms since we had an early start tomorrow.

I let myself into my room and stripped down to my boxers. I set my alarm and got into bed. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get to sleep. 

Around 3AM I gave up and got out of bed. I put the bathrobe on and walked out onto the balcony. I stood there watching New York at night while thinking of Am. How could I be so fucking stupid to put us at stake. To put myself in the position of risking to lose Am. The woman who's always supported me no matter what. The woman who always puts me first so I can chase my dreams. The mother of my children.

And what did I do?

I wasn't even strong enough to say no to a fucking blowjob.

I got no sleep at all that night, so I had a long shower instead, hoping I'd look at least semi-presentable. 

Once I was done, I took my suitcase and made my way down to the bus where everyone was already waiting for me.

Glen shot me a worried glance when I passed the kitchen where he was making tea but I shook my head letting him know that I didn't want to talk about it. He got the message and went back to making tea while I made my way to the back of the bus where I sat down. I put my earphones in and started listening to some music, hoping I could at least get some rest. But every song reminded me of Am. Either because it was about heartbreak or because it was a song she loves.

I eventually allowed myself to send her a text. But then I didn't know what to say so I just sent,

'Hope you're having a nice day. Love you x'

A few minutes later I felt my phone buzzing and when I looked down I saw that Am had replied.

'I love you too, x'

Was all she said. It wasn't much, but it did make me smile and gave me some hope that maybe we would be OK.

Once we arrived in the next city we were called straight to do interviews. At first it took my mind off things for a while, but after the fourth interview with almost the same questions as the three previous ones, my mind started wandering back to Am again.

Halfway through, I felt my phone buzzing repeatedly in my pocket. I ignored the call and pretended nothing was going on and focused on the interview instead. 

After a few moments the buzzing stopped only to continue seconds later. This repeated for the whole interview making it hard for me to focus.

Once we were done I took my phone out I saw that I had 17 missed calls and several texts from Jessica.

'Call me.'

'Why don't you answer?'

'What're you doing?'

'Answer the fucking phone!'

'Now!'

As I was scrolling through the texts the called again.

"Hey." I said being able to pick up this time.

"Thank god you picked up!" I heard Jess on the other side, sounding stressed.

"I'm sorry I was in interviews." I replied.

"Listen, I need to tell you something." She replied, ignoring my previous statement. 

I stayed silent, waiting for her to go on.

"Amy's been in an accident."