PACK || TWLGHT OS 02

Jasper Hale | When I'm Gone

By : imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl | Tumblr

Pairing: Jasper Hale X Reader

Word count: 1.281

Requested by Anon: Imagine where Jasper Hale refuses to turn the reader because be doesn't want that life for her and they still stay together as the reader grows old until she finally dies. Then maybe he has regrets and wishes he would have turned her?

A/N: I cried writing this. It's kinda sad.

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"This isn't fair." You whisper, drying off a stubborn tear. You can't even remember how many times you had this discussion with Jasper, but it's frustrating. You've been married for five years now, and it never goes away. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe you shouldn't have said yes before being turned because now, it seems completely out of question. Every hour is one hour close to the day you die. At this moment, you envy him and his immortality.

"You don't deserve this life." He replies in a soft voice, coming to seat before you on the bed. "Trust me, I'm trapped in it and I know how messy things can get. You're safe as a human and you'll be happier as a human."

"Sometimes I wonder if you love me." It comes out suddenly because you've been fighting this thought for way too long.

"What makes you think that?"

"You married me. Ok. But you enjoy that this contract has an expiration date. And when it comes, because it will, you'll be free to fall in love again." As you speak, the look in Jasper's eyes changes, like his heart is being smashed. But you hold your head up, eyes locked on his.

"The connection I have with you is-"

"Is one in a lifetime, yeah." You cut him off, fixing your hair and taking a deep breath before getting up from the bed. "I'm tired, Jasper. If this is what you want, that's alright. I promise you I won't ever bring this up again. But you should know that my heart is broken."

It's not that you don't love him anymore. You do. You love him so much you want to stay by his side forever. But this argument never gets you anywhere and is deteriorating your relationship. If you only have a few years, you better make the best of them. So that's what you do. You live your life every day like it was the last. Jasper takes you all over the world in long, expensive trips. You make some effort to take it all in, not bothering to take many pictures, but trying to burn the moments in the back of your mind. As the years pass by, you start working and attempting to nutritionists, trying to live as healthy as possible. Anything to keep you looking younger and to postpone death. The only thing Jasper doesn't want you to get is plastic surgery. But you never found of these procedures.

Everything was fine until it started. Suddenly, you can't go out with Jasper anymore because whenever you hold hands, people stare. It didn't matter how many times Jasper says you look younger than you are. Then, they start asking if Jasper is your son. That's when the sharp pain in your chest began. Without telling him, you started writing down a few thoughts for Jasper to find when you're gone. But you have no idea how you'd give it to him.

Two years later, the pain got worse, taking your breath away. Jasper had Carlisle move to your house because you can't leave your bed for too long. Suddenly walking down the stairs makes you pass out, and also does the pain. Your heart is suffering. One night, if it wasn't for Carlisle, you'd suffocate to death. While he spoke about medical conditions, you knew it wasn't the reason.

The life you once had with Jasper is over. And it ended even before your death. It's ironic how you lived to see everything falling apart. From your bed, you watch more years go by, observing the sunrise day after day until you couldn't anymore. You felt it. You felt your body giving up and Carlisle felt the same. The sun is rising outside when he tells Jasper to stay by your side. To stay until the end.

"What was your favorite part?" You ask him, your voice barely a whisper.

"All of it," Jasper answers, taking a lock of your white hair in his fingers. "Every single day."

"I'm sorry."

"For what, my love?" He caresses your forehead, his eyes as deep as the ocean.

"For every fight and argument." You stop to catch your breath, pointing at the last drawer of the nightstand. Jasper quickly searches through it, finding the letter you wrote to him.

"I love you," Jasper mumbles, too fast, because you can't keep your eyes open any longer.

Gathering what's left of your little strength, you raise my hand to touch his cheek and smile. Jasper leans to kiss you and you have to say that you love him. But you can't find your voice. You can't find anything anymore.

When you close your eyes, Jasper's face is the last thing you see. And the memory that follows is a particular day, watching the full moon rising above the ocean somewhere you can't remember. The silence, the smell. It feels like your back there, like you could travel in time and restart your life from that point on. But you can't. But it's okay now. You're at peace.

•••

Dear Jasper,

I've been writing this for a few years. Writing and rewriting, trying to find the right words. But I don't think I did.

The life I had with you was amazing. From day one, when we bumped into each other at school, I knew we were meant to be.

I don't want you to remember me as an old lady with white hair who can't stand up for too long. I want you to remember me as the crazy, loud girl who used to sing on the passenger seat, so loud that people on the street would stare. As the girl who always made bad decisions as the one that got me stuck in the elevator that afternoon on Italy. Remember me as the girl who loved you deeply. As the girl who didn't want to die because death meant leaving you. And I'm sorry about that.

I'm sorry for not being around anymore. I wish I could stop time. Or make it go back.

My love, I wish I could live it all again. I wish I could make all the bad decisions that led me to you. I don't regret them.

And please, now that I'm gone, don't regret your decision. I always admired you for holding on to your moral code, even when it drove me crazy. Know that I couldn't have a better life. We did have bad moments, mostly by the end, but we did have good years.

I hope you won't forget me throughout the rest of your infinite days. I hope that, if one day you stop loving me, you'll at least keep me in your heart. I hope you find someone else. Please find someone else. Take your time to get over me, but move on. You own me that, Jas.

I will love you forever, even though my forever with you is is over. Inside the envelope there's a picture. Only one. My favorite. On that day, we were too busy chatting to notice Emmett taking pictures of us. My favorite thing about it is that time won't ever reach us there. Or death. Or age. We'll be eternally talking, smiling, young, together. And your eyes will always be looking at me, filled with joy. Keep it. If this isn't too much to ask, keep it forever.

I shall go now, my love. This wasn't meant to make you sad, this was meant to tell you how much I love you, in case I didn't have time to say it before the end.

I love you, Jasper.

Truly and forever, yours.