Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

66. Words

SHIP:
Phan (I know right?!)

SUMMARY:
My shitty writing

EXTRAS:
So I've wanted to write a Phan oneshot for a while however I wasn't sure if people would like that however some readers said they would be okay with it... So I hope you enjoy

WORDS:
812

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Words are crazy, they can be hurtful, meaningful and even meaningless. Words control how we act, how we view other people, words are devices we use to communicate with others. The words 'I love you' are powerful but can be used to trick and manipulate people, words have a power that is terrifying to most. Lies can be laced in them and you can lose the people you trust the most because of them.

****

Phil held the flowers close to his chest as he walked. The rain was falling in heavy droplets hitting the ground violently. He avoided puddles as  continued his walk ignoring the weird looks he was getting from passersby. He kept his hood over his face not wanting anyone to see his bloodshot eyes. The harsh wind bit at his skin making him shiver but he wasn't going to head home quite yet. He looked down to check the lilies weren't damaged, he didn't want them to be crushed or even the slightest bit crooked, they had to be perfect, everything had to be perfect.

The rain got heavier and the droplets were falling hard onto the male's hood causing him to hold the flowers with one hand and over his head with the other. He could see his icy breath forming from the cold, it was a beautiful sight. The way winter could make such simple things as breathing seem like art. Phil chewed on the thin layer of skin that coated his lips, his breathing had gotten heavier too.

The raven-haired male felt his shoes sink into the mud below as he finally got to his location - the graveyard. He look a deep breath and gingerly took a few steps forward. He wasn't scared but nervous almost, it was his first time visiting him after what happened. Would he be mad? Would he understand? Phil had gone to the funeral but after that he'd locked himself in his room and hadn't come out to speak to anyone not even his best friends PJ and Chris who'd done everything he could to comfort him through the locked door. He'd felt trapped and alone, he'd felt as though he was in a cage all alone with his fears and no matter what he did he couldn't break free.

Finally he stumbled a upon
the gravestone;

Here lies
Daniel Howell
Beloved boyfriend, son
and friend

Tears spilled from his eyes as he read the words and the world around him became blurry. He was alone without his amazing boyfriend or at the very least he felt it. Nobody understood him like Dan did as cliché as it sounded. He sat down in the mud sinking into it slightly and gently he arranged the flowers around the grave trying to make it look as beautiful as possible. He chuckled as he pictured the brunet who'd always scolded him for just throwing the flowers into a random vase whenever they bought any. "There now are you happy?" He asked, giggling.

"Everyone misses you... PJ, Chris, Cat, The fans and especially me..." Phil looked down, "I should have been there with you... I shouldn't have fought with you... I'm so sorry... Maybe then you won't have gone out, gotten drunk and then walked straight onto the highway." The raven-haired male blamed himself for the death of his boyfriend, they'd fought about something stupid, something that Phil couldn't even remember all he could remember was yelling at Dan that he was a waste of space and then the brunet, hurt had stormed out. He'd drunk away his sadness until he could barely even think straight. Phil bit down hard of his lip causing a red liquid to pour, one he immediately recognised as blood. He whimpered and hugged himself, "You told me I didn't have to be alone..." He wept harder and harder.

The male sat there for what felt like hours but in reality was probably only an hour at the most. He spoke to Dan, telling him what was happening with everyone and apologising over and over again although he knew she was saying sorry at the wrong time. Nothing could bring him back. Slowly he pulled himself out of the damp mud, the bottom of his jeans completely caked in wet oozing mud,tears running down his face and he was shivering from the cold.

"I love you Daniel Howell," He sniffed before leaving the graveyard to head home and cry on his best friend's shoulder. He'd never get over Dan. He would aways love him.

He was on his own without him.