Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

169. Call me Noah

SHIP:
None

WARNINGS:
None?

EXTRAS:
Again this is a personal one so feel free to skip but for a brief meaning behind this; I only came to terms with the fact I'm genderfluid about a month ago because I kept trying to ignore because I was worried people would think I was just saying it to copy my partner (who at that point was just my friend) but I spoke to them about it and i still have so much I need to learn about this side of myself because it is scary but I wanted to be honest about my experience and share it

WORDS:

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He doesn't know who he is yet

The signs at first were small and almost unnoticeable, even to himself, but they began to grow and slowly he began to realise what the signs meant however he didn't want to address it out of fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of being rejected plus everything else on top of that. He was scared and that was the truth. When he was younger he never expected this to be his reality. As a young child he'd looked forward to being a teenager and now that he was one, and he had been for a while now, he longed to be child again, funny isn't it?

He longed for the time before he'd narrowed down the meaning behind the signs, before he'd been forced to venture down the path of accepting himself because he knew had to do that before anyone else could. He wanted the easy way out to ignore it but as much as he tried and wanted to he couldn't but the only easy way was a time machine and delay the inevitable however that is, in our current time period anyway, impossible. Therefore the only productive thing to do is to keep moving forward, despite how cliché and cringy the phrase is, so he had to start the path of accepting himself.

The path proved to be rough, never ending and full of twists and turns, as a matter of fact he is still on the path, and the path of acceptance and self-care has caused him to shed many tears. The end goal of the path is always the same and in a way taunting because for anyone else his goal would be easy but it meant so much to him... that's what made it difficult. He could do small steps which meant he was only crawling along however he was okay with that because it was as much as he could handle.

He tried to have a positive attitude however that fell short. His mind constantly ticking away with anxiety and fear, there were other things he was worried about as well. Everything was piling up to the point where he could barely think about anything else bar these fears and anxieties. The path was becoming harder to even crawl along underneath the crush weight. However he had to keep going he just had too... for the sake of his own mind.

One day he'll look in that mirror and say it, even if it's not a full sentence, that one name... his name. He wanted to look in the mirror and say who he is. It seemed miles away but one day he'll be able to speak his trust and although he looked forward to that day he also dreaded it.

"Call me Noah."

That was his truth.