Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

121. Too Much

SHIP:
Danti

WARNINGS:
Mentions of depression (more hinted at and not outright said)
Mentions of anxiety (again hinted at more than said)

EXTRAS:
Lmao I'm still alive sorry I went through a major period of writers block and I promise the next oneshot will be a lot happier.

Ventish

WORDS:
494 (listen it's not the best written, it's a mess and it might not make sense but I just needed this)
___________________________

It could all get too much sometimes. Sometimes all Anti needed was to escape and how he did it wasn't the way that most people would like through drawing or reading or maybe even watching a good movie/tv-show, no, how Anti escaped was through speaking to his boyfriend Darkiplier, it could be complete and utter nonsense but it was escape for at least a few minutes.

See Anti was considered to be well-off in life as his parents were still together, he wasn't living in poverty or anything along those lines so he felt as though he couldn't really speak to anyone as the response would only be, "I've got it worse." Or, "At least you're not ____" and a personal favourite, "At least your parents are still together." and although Anti will admit it could be worse there were things that broke him. A good example was his mother she'd not been herself for quite a while now and seemed constantly down leaving Anti forced to act like the parent which caused them to fall out quite a lot but deep down he was always worried despite the harsh words and the screaming he was always worried about her.
"You think I don't know grief, I've been through it too but it didn't cause me to treat everyone like shit."

Days could pass with repressed thoughts and simply trying to ignore what's going on around him until his body could force himself to face it and everything would catch up at once, freaking out over a piece of homework which isn't even that difficult. Lashing out at the people who he cares about without meaning too. It all just gets too much. Not being able to speak about things instead joking as a coping mechanism and hoping nobody figures it out.

The fear that everyone you're friends with is constantly talking behind your back, not wanting to say certain things incase it starts fights, lying awake at night remember past conversations and wincing. Eventually breaking down and crying.

The empty feeling like something is missing or someone. Once someone is gone they don't come back no matter who hard you may wish or hope for it. You've lost them and it's such a weird thing cause one day you can be talking to someone and the next they're gone, it's surreal and you do forget. You forget the sound of their voice, the colour of their eyes and memories you shared and that's terrifying.

Talking to Dark was his escape from all of this being able to speak to someone he loves so deeply and to get away from everything for a while. It's his escape when it all gets too much.