Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

95. Lance McClain

SHIP:
Klance (I swear I will go back to Natepat/Septiplier oneshots eventually)

WARNINGS:
Ehhhhhh idk self-loathing and insecurities I guess? It's also kinda angsty

EXTRAS:
You can pry Klance from my cold dead hands maybe then I'll actually write something relevant to this oneshot book XD

WORDS:
947

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Lance McClain tended to overthink things.

Lance McClain tended to overanalyse things.

Lance McClain tended to believe he was constantly annoying and pissing his friends off.

Lance McClain often wished he could read minds so he could see what his friends and crush, Keith, actually thought of him.

Coming back from the training deck the blue paladin had the urge to run back and apologise for all the stupid things he'd said and done whilst hanging out with his rival/best friend/crush. He was replaying the encounter over and over again in his mind, each time finding something else that caused him to cringe. "Fuck..." He muttered under his breath, wanting to slam his head into a wall repeatedly until he passed out. The insults he threw at Keith were nothing new however he was now, behind closed doors, terrified that they actually somewhat offended or upset the red paladin. Surely Keith would say something if they did? But that thought wasn't enough to reassure him and he felt guilt for it at the pit of his stomach - it felt like a rock dropping.

Alone at last Lance could let his bubbly, bigger that life act drop. He didn't have to act anymore, there was no around to see him. He didn't have to play up anymore, like he was acting for cameras, he could let his walls down and truly think. Lance, truthfully, acted this way as a way of guarding himself and not letting anyone know him too scared that he would be left behind, abandoned by those who said they cared. Keith... The thought of the boy turning his back on him was incredibly painful. Lance was a gifted actor. He could pretend that everything was okay and that life was all a massive joke, life was indeed a massive joke and Lance was the punchline, he could hide his true feelings behind laughter and flirting. He could act like Keith showing interest in Shiro didn't hurt him in the slightest. He could act like he was confident they would make it by home. He could act like he was okay when all he wants to do is curl up and cry.

The blue paladin turned on his side and considered telling Keith his feelings but he was terrified of rejection and for the love of God he had just gotten past being rivals with the man besides the risk of losing Keith was too high. If Keith didn't return his feelings, which he most likely didn't, then he would most definitely start avoiding Lance and it would completely destroy their very fragile friendship. Keith would hate Lance if he knew his feelings. Lance didn't have a chance with Keith anyway. The mullet-head was too perfect for him. He went back to thinking about their encounter on the training deck and he honestly wanted to cry.

Often Lance lost sleep over these thoughts. He didn't want to overthink and overanalyse every situation, it was just something that came naturally to him and it did have his good points e.g. He could plan a mission down to the littlest detail and assess if it would work out or not. He hated his brain for causing him to overthink every little thing, he hated the sick feeling he got whenever he knew something would go wrong, he hated constantly thinking the people he was friends with are going to hate him for every small slip up overall Lance just hated himself or more he hated the way he functioned as a human. He was envious of his fellow Paladins has he was certain none of the rest of them suffered in the same way he did but at the same time he wasn't envious because he knew they had their own problems and he was just being a baby, he was just being stupid but he couldn't help the way he feels. He hated that he had memorised every crack in his ceiling from sleepless nights. Honestly Lance was a mess and he had no idea how to fix it. He would go to Pidge, they're definitely the smartest, however the Latino didn't know if he could fully trust them to keep everything a secret especially his feelings for Keith - Pidge would probably blurt it out without even thinking twice about it not to mention that they were pretty close with Keith (Keith and Pidge being the best of friends is my favourite HC fite me on this). His next option was Hunk and as much as he loved the guy Hunk probably wouldn't be of much help. He could speak to Shiro but his jealousy because of Shiro might be awkward to bring up to the Space Dad. Lance McClain then realised he was left to suffer these feelings alone, confiding these feelings came at too high a risk anyway.

Lance McClain tended to think this way nearly every single day.

Lance McClain thanked the lucky stars for his amazing acting abilities.

Lance McClain definitely tended to overthink.

Lance McClain definitely tended to overanalyse

Lance McClain certainly believed he was constantly annoying and pissing his friends off.

Lance McClain wished every day that he could read minds so he could see what his friends and crush truly thought of him.

These were his demons and he was certain he'd never be free of them.