Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

74. Love is

SHIP:
Natepat

SUMMARY:
Nate sings a stupid song about love to Mat

WARNINGS:
This song can be seen as offensive seeing as it's a Bo Burnham song so if you're easily offended skip this chapter

EXTRAS:
Have I made it obvious that's I'm a massive Bo Burnham fan?

WORDS:
780

________________________

"Happy Valentines Day!" Nate said into the camera, "I'm going to play this song for a very special person!" He smiled and started to play his guitar and sung having no idea how Mat was going to react to this.

I love you like kings love queens,
like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans (genes)
I need you like New Orleans needs a drought,
like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out.
And I want you ... yeah, like a lawyer slash mathematician wants some kind of proof.
And I want you like J.F.K. wanted .... a car with a roof.

As he sung he thought about his boyfriend, everything about Mat was perfect. His touch, his voice, his kisses. His smile widened and he continued singing trying his hardest not to laugh while singing.

Because love is, takin' that dive and gettin' really comfortable and peein' in the pool.
And love is, a real life porn ... minus all the stuff that makes porn cool.
And love is, a homeless guy ... searchin' for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out they're all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he can't complain cuz he was hungry in the first place.

Mat was out for the day, he told Nate that he would be back later that night and the two would have a romantic dinner that he made. He'd left Nate home alone with Catpat and he had no idea what he would come home to. As long as he didn't come to the oven burned like the last time... Nate had tried to make pancakes.

Because I love you like Dora loves maps,
like the Pope's toilet loves ... holy craps.
I need you like a voyeur needs a branch,
like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of Neverland ranch.
And I want you like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform.
And I want you like Anne Frank wanted ... nobody to read her diary.
Cuz, like a diary is a collection of secret things that no one else reads, that's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by Nazis, kick her while she's down.

Catpat jumped up on the table that was behind Nate as he was recording, however Nate couldn't be bothered to stop the recording to move the cat so he just let him stay. He let out a soft chuckle through his singing and rolled his eyes at the cat.

And if we met in 10,000 B.C., I was your cave man you's my cave lady ...

And If we got hot, we'd start rubbin',
if we got hungry, we'd go clubbin'.
There's woolly mammoths but I won't protect us,
you're makin' me devolve to a homoerectus.

And if we met in 1780, I was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark skinned servant lady ... slave

Whenever I could get away from the Mrs.,
I'd go to your shed and then I'd steal you kisses.
But let's be serious, I'd still work you full time as a slave, there's a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socioeconomic trends.

And if we met in 1941, I was a Nazi, you's a gypsy on the run (that's a little redundant)

That probably wouldn't have worked out ... yeah

Nate had no idea how Mat would react to being called a woman but he didn't really care, he knew his lover would find it funny.

Because, love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch and dinner.
And love is the holocaust, if you don't die quick and you don't get thinner.
And love is, bein' the owner of a company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't wanna reduce it at all cuz if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales.
Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles?
Who's gonna buy your whistles?
Love is all about whistles.

Nate finished and posted the video waiting for his lover to come home and react.

Mat came home later that night and let's just say the next day Nate had a very sore ass.