The Slowest Burn - Bellarke

Bellarke Modern AU- I need help

*inspired by this request from DiayaYogi *
*Bellamy tries to keep his struggles a secret but Clarke knows him too damn well*
*Trigger warning; violence, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, night terrors*
*Disclaimer; this one shot is a work of fiction, it is not intended to be taken as a realistic depiction of battle, it is dramatised for the purpose of story telling*
***

Sometimes it felt like the ceiling would collapse in on him. That it would fall, taking him and everything he loved with it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. If he were to perish under the weight of the rubble.

If Bellamy Blake were to cease exist.

It would surely be less painful, than lying there night after night, too scared to fall asleep, to tired to stay awake. Constantly fighting himself, waking up in a cold sweat, tears streaming down his face, shaking all over.

He'd only been back for two weeks, but the carnage had followed him home. His nightmares were rife with images of shell stricken cities. Of communities completely destroyed.

He had been a soldier for 4 years now and up until now he'd been fine.

Of course there were nightmares, occasional feelings of panic every time a car backfired.

But those he could handle alone. Those he could hide.

This- this was bigger. This was getting harder and harder to hide.

"Bellamy?" Clarke's soft voice rung through the room.

She reached out to touch him, but the boy flinched away, wiping his eyes quickly before she could see.

"Are you okay, baby?" She asked, gently.

Bellamy didn't know if he could bring himself to speak.

"Uh yeah. I just realised I don't think I locked the from door." He lied, getting out of bed and walking down the hall.

He was used to having to see in the dark. But every shadow in this house felt like a threat.

Bellamy made it to the front door, jiggling the lock in case Clarke was listening.

Tears streamed down his face.

What was he doing?

Lying to the girl he loved.

The pain of it brought him to his knees.

Everything was different now.

He shut his eyes to try and block it out, but the memory worked its way inside.

'We have to go back!' He shouted. He could feel the Sargeant's hands around him, pulling him back.

'They'll die in there!" He screamed, clawing at the other man.

He could here them screaming, begging for help as the house went up in flames.

A bomb had gone off somewhere nearby and the house was engulfed by the damage.