The Slowest Burn - Bellarke

"I know what to wish for now" - Bellarke season 5 AU

*Clarke sends up flairs to show Bellamy she's alive*
*bookdork1 on YouTube making me actively sob*
***

Clarke Griffin walked through the valley, the only living place left on Earth. It had been 6 months since Praimfaya and she felt strangely dead inside. She had survived something that had almost ended the world, and yet, she felt no pride, no relief or happiness. Just a tugging feeling in her chest. A longing. A loneliness. Sure she'd found Madi, a companion, someone to share her knowledge with, someone to care for, but it didn't fill the gaping hole in her chest.

She pulled out her radio, pressing the button down, and praying that this time might be the time it worked.

She would give anything to hear his voice, anything for a second with him, to hear his laugh, to hear him say her name.

"Bellamy," her voice was soft, like a prayer.

"It's been 90 days since Praimfaya." She stopped for a moment. What else could she possibly say?

How could she justify the ache in her gut when she thought of him? The words she couldn't make herself say.

How would he even know? If she was alive? If she was radioing him?

For all he knew she'd perished in the flames.

She wondered if he missed her just as much as she missed him? If every time he thought about the past he missed her more and more?

She wondered, truly if he felt the same, if he ever had, or ever could. Most importantly she wondered if she'd ever see him again.

"God I..." the words escaped her.

How could you tell someone that life without them felt like it was in greyscale? That every moment of joy was covered by a haze, a heavy feeling in your chest like you couldn't breathe.

Because what was the point? What was the point if when something good happened she couldn't look over and see Bellamy smiling back at her?

"I miss you, Bellamy. I miss your voice, and your face, and your smile and I- I don't even know if you're alive. I don't even know if you know I'm alive. Maybe you can hear me? But just can't talk back? Maybe you can see the patch of green. Maybe you feel in your heart that I'm there. That I'm not dead. I'm not dead, Bellamy."

She was crying when Madi came rushing over.

"Clarke!" The little girl exclaimed, running at full speed.

Clark wiped her face quickly.

"Madi!" She matched the girl's excitement.

"I found something." The little girl said playfully, rocking back and forth on her heels.

"Really?" Clarke exclaimed, standing and pulling the girl into her arms.

"Wanna show me?" She asked.

The girl nodded, pointing forward.

Clarke followed her request, leaving the radio on the seat behind her.

Maybe tomorrow